No need to be sorry about Venting. Or how long... Its good to vent. Plus it gives people a chance to know and understand you and why your here.

I'm sorry about your job and wife.
Depression can be very debilitating physically and mentally. Life is hard enough. And anxiety, which is usually associated with depression can wear you down more through constant worry.

What are you doing while your not working? Try to keep yourself busy, exercise if your able to. At least some form of exercise will help.

Hi Seamus, I plan to exercise but with my back gone it's just impossible at the moment, I have an appointment at my local jobcenter tomorrow so I think I'm gonna try and walk there (if my back holds up)

I hope you find some relief from your physical ailments as well as the psychological ones. It's best not to dwell in the past or worry about the future. Try to focus on the present and its tasks.

I’m sorry to hear that you are challenged at the moment. It is good that you are seeking treatment. Just know that you aren’t alone. We all have struggles. Just take a step back and give yourself some grace. Engage in activities that make you feel good such as reading, walks in the park, talking with friends and family, or volunteering. It is a great feeling to give back and I highly recommend it. It is part of my recovery process! Please don’t harm yourself. We are all special and we all have a role to play in this world. Keep pressing forward!! I wish you abundant health and happiness!!

Thanks for the response sunnyface, I just feel I'm slipping slowly into my dark place again. I can't get the thoughts of suicide out my head, I've tried talking to friends and family but they've got their own worries. If only I were brave enough to end it then it'd be all over but I'm too scared to act on it as before I couldn't even manage to do that right as I'm still here!

A great healthy activity and way to meet new people that will help your chronic back pain is yoga. If you really get into it, the meditation process has also been helpful for people but it's okay if you're not "that kind of person too" - yoga is a very good exercise that can be done anywhere. Look up "Yoga with Adrienne" on Youtube - she's a really good introduction to it if you're not sure you're ready for a class experience.

celticnoel...can I be bold and ask if you have a personal relationship with Jesus? The reason I ask is because I've been in those dark spots as well but when I became a Christian, my life changed. There was a shift! I didn't have anywhere else to turn and ending my life just wasn't the answer. There has been two suicides in my family and I can honestly say, it isn't helpful! People care and love you whether you choose to believe it or not. You would be missed and the devastation that you would leave behind is not pleasant! Each of us bring special gifts into this world. You are special. There is just so much darkness enveloping you right now that it is hard to see. Speak to a member of the clergy. They offer a totally different perspective than a therapist. The two working together can really offset your heightened emotions! I wish you peace and harmony!!

Hey sunnyface, yeah I was brought up Catholic but I'm not practicing as they say. I used to believe in God but now I just think IF there was a God there wouldn't be so much hate in the world. Maybe I'm wrong but that's just my take on things. Anyway I've got my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow morning so I'll speak to him and see what he says, onwards and upwards I suppose thanks for posting.

celticnoel...I understand and thanks so much for your honesty! Just something to ponder...if everybody in this world had a personal relationship with Jesus, would there be the hate and violence that we have now? I won't preach but just felt the need to say that because I often dream of a place where everybody loves. One day!! I wish you much luck at your appointment...oh wait...you've already been. I do hope all went well. Yes, onwards and upwards is right. That is a great outlook!!

Please don't be sorry. Sometimes you need to let off a little steam, and this provides a great way to do that. I am sorry you are enduring this. It sure sounds like you've had a bad stretch. I'll be praying you find peace. In the mean time, try to get some fresh air. Maybe consider volunteering somewhere a couple hours a month. There is something very uplifting about doing that. Hang in there.