Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have to be honest about how I feel even though I want to act like everything is fine. When I posted about it being my birthday on the 3rd I guess I was trying to sound proud that I had actually made it to age 49. And people were really wonderful in their response posts. But the truth is, I still feel very empty and lonely. And I dont' really know why it is this way. I have so much to be grateful for and my life is not nearly as bad as some peoples. And yet I still feel so empty and alone. I wish I had some friends here in the "non-virtual" world who I could talk to and who I could be myself around. I am still kind of a hermit and dont really spend much time with people other than Tom and Josh. I know that family is supposed to be a source of comfort and friendship and all that, but with my family is the constant reminder of our problems, our limitations, and the ways that we AREN'T close. At least that's what I see most of the time. And yes maybe that's the depression talking. Maybe I am still depressed to the point where deep inside I am still focusing on the negative and not able to see the positive. Every day I feel like I am fighting this thing---this illness. It is a constant battle that never ends. Even when I am sleeping I feel like I am still "working on it". It's like the work never ends and the battle seems like it will go on forever and like nothing is going to change for me. Sorry to be on such a bummer note. But I am tired of trying to fake it all the time. It's exhausting. Thanks for reading this. I hope I didn't make anyone else more depressed because of my depression. That's the last thing I want.
You aren't alone either. People care.
(((((((hugs)))))))
Here is a copy of the "post" I listed under "Gay men challanges" few days ago....you're not along....please think of your daughter and how much you mean to her and how much she needs you, and you she. Hope ur recieving professional help. YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
Some may know I'm new to this site and have suffered from depression my entire life and currently seeing a professional counselor and on anti-depressants.
So here it is, the real truth about "ChloeandMe"....and this is the honest truth to see if the support on this site is real. I have nothing to lose...so here it goes....
I'll let you in on a little secret....I suffer from major depression my whole 46yrs on this planet and struggled with my own identity. (Read some of my posts to get better idea, if you want.) My point is, twice in my life I have attempted suicide for many various reasons but mainly due to my self acceptance. Had a loaded gun to my head 5yrs ago while listening to family and police pleading not to pull the trigger. And as recently as this past July 4th, took a razor and cut my wrist and bled out into the bath tub (didn't want to leave a big mess for family to clean up). Both attempts left me in a mental hospital for various lengths of time for recovery. And those are only the TWO attempts that put me in the mental hospital. That's not counting the times I taped the dryer vent to my car exhaust and the other end in the front seat while sitting for over an hour listening to The Rolling Stones (my favorite group) waiting to "fall asleep". Or the times I tied a noose in the garage attic and stood in that attic debating to jump (but didn't for fear of not being fast and quick). And last, the time I stood in a knee deep bath tub holding the toaster. You know what stopped me that time? My dog, seeing the look on her face as I stood there, she knew something was not right.
I'm currently in counseling and taking it day by day...baby steps.
Trust me, don't wait to be 46 and look back on your life with really nothing to show for it...been there, done that.
I try to make at least one arrangement to meet up with people on the weekend. Work is taking up most of my time during the week so that is covered. Even if it is going to the local coffee bar to meet someone I have at least made contact with people. If there is a party in the area I almost force myself to go and usually enjoy seeing everyone and relax once I am there.
Would similar things appeal to you?
1. Make a plan to see people at least once on the weekend or a few times during the week.
2. Make yourself go to local fairs and cake sales or parties etc so that you are mingling with people.
3. Join a care group or volunteer group?
Perhaps helping others will help you by distracting your thoughts.
You are certainly not alone with this and I understand and empathise with you. It is such an empty feeling that just begs to be filled with interaction.
Wishing you peace
Love
Gargoyle