Welcome back. How can I help you?

Thankyou for your reply. I would like to say it's great to be back, but it's not...lol.
It's a long story so I'll abridge it. I was in a 2 1/2 year on again off again relationship. We would argue, I'd leave and come home. She would send me a barrage of abusive messages, I would block her. Then she would send me a pic of her with the latest bloke she hooked up with. I would go back to her. Recently she did it to me again but this time she says she is staying with him. I know I'm better off without her but I am still heartbroken.
Sorry for the long explanation.

Good morning. It sounds like you have not been in a very good state of mind. If you were, you would have told her to hit the road long ago. You don't need those head games. She sounds trashy. Screw her!

Hello GreenEyes727, thankyou for your kind words. I do accept some of the blame whereas she doesn't. She is very self-absorbed and narcissistic but she doesn't see it that way. I'm 52 so I guess I saw her as my last hope of having someone to grow old with. I never thought I'd be suicidal over a woman again, while I'm not at that stage I don't care if I don't wake up ever again.

Dealing with a narcissist can be very draining! Sounds like you need to run as far away possible from her before she damages you any further. I know the feeling too well and sometimes its hard to just walk away!

Hi GirlMomX3. Thankyou, you're right. She had to have her own way about everything. I would get into trouble for not answering a text message quick enough. Even though I told her over and over that I don't keep my phone on me at work. The slightest thing sets her off. I admit I could have handled things better. Maybe I should have moved in with her and things may have been different.

Other than the fact that she's someone to be with and decent in bed, why are you in this relationship with someone who torments you with other guys and seems selfish and dysfunctional more than 50% of the time. Why not work to get someone someone nice who can help you grow in a healthy way..

Welcome Esgeeem!

Please know you did nothing wrong at all in that relationship. I think you moving in with her would have made things 1000 times worse, so it's good that you didn't live together.

You are so young!! You will meet a great woman, and soon. Take a little "me" time for right now to regroup and get yourself together mentally again. Do you have any friends or family that you can call up and just chat with? Is there a place that you like to go, such as a park, mall, hiking, jogging, just taking a drive, walking your dog... something where you can be alone for a bit (on purpose alone!! It's important) and just be happy just with yourself.

Going through a breakup is always hard, even if we knew it wasn't that good of a relationship. There is still a loss there. But, I can tell you, that you will feel so much better soon. Call up some friends or family. Get out of the house as often as you can. Be outside in nature... the sun is a natural happiness booster from the sun's Vitamin D rays.

You're going to be just fine!!! She sounded like too much drama and stress for you anyway. You will soon see you are better off without her. You are going to be okay! You are already doing it! Yay you!

Hello Bobby5000, thankyou for you words of encouragement. I guess I did see her as my last chance as having someone to grow old with. She loved sex but I reckon maintaining your sanity is more important than sexual gratification.

Hello GirlinCalif. Thankyou for your beautiful message. In hindsight I probably should have handled things differently. But I wasn't going to be her verbal punching bag. Sometimes, after a disagreement she could see I was fixing to leave and come home, she threatened suicide and leave a note blaming me so I would end up staying.

I know it was a toxic relationship. I accept some of the blame whereas she saw it as all my fault.

I'm 52, too slender and not attractive. I am resigned to being ugly and alone for the rest of my life.

I had a good session with my counsellor on Thursday. I felt much better afterwards.

I don't have as many friends as I used to. I can't talk to my mum about it because I feel ashamed. My mum and my ex got along well. My ex paid her a visit telling my mum that she had to sever me from her life. That's why I feel ashamed and unable to talk to my mum about it.

Thankyou once again for your kind words.

I hope that you won't think of being alone for the rest of your life, being happy with one's self is really important, if you can be happy with you then you can be happy with someone else. It sounds like the relationship is very toxic. If you are only staying because you are afraid of being alone, you are paying a heavy price for that.

I think you should talk to your mother, don't worry about what your ex told her, she's YOUR mother and hopefully she will give you some moral support.

Hello Dark.chocolate. Thankyou for your kind words. I have never been one for jumping straight into another relationship when one ends for me. I am a bit of a loner, my mum told my ex that many times.

You're right, it was a toxic relationship, I saw that from the very start. I knew she would find someone else before I did.

I called my mum tonight but the subject of my ex didn't come up. My mum has always been supportive of me.

Thankyou once again.