This evening I was looking at Facebook pages of people I use to know.  Not even friends, just people i knew.  I even found a recent picture of my daughter.  

I use social media very little.  I will admit I have a facebook page just because I am part of a health issue group and exchange comments with them and stay updated. But, I have no pictures.  It's very hard not to look at facebook and compare my life with others.  And...just for this reason I may completely eliminate it after i have my surgury.  My mind goes to dark places when i start comparing my life to others.  I wonder why I dont have a life to talk about and why my happy smiling face is not out there to see.  I'm not normal I guess.  I'm cautious, untrusting and question everyone and everything that comes into my life.  I hate being this way but I've been hurt so badly by loved ones and supposed friends.  I realize I am slowly erasing my sheer existence of this life.  I sent all my daughters pictures to her.  And I am slowly trashing all my pictures growing up, and of the parents and family I hardly knew.  I cant help it...its just the way i feel and i hate it.