Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Hi Depression Community! I'm new here. I've been off and on the PTSD board for a while, but today, It felt like depression was the bigger component of my suffering. In the past 2-3 months I've been less able to handle my PTSD, I sank into depression which quickly turned to suicidal ideation and self harming. This alarmed my therapist and psych, so I did a partial Hospitalization program and now group therapy to get better.
So heres the problem. A lot of the tools and arguements for why I am valuable and life is worth living have relied on how I benefit other people. Now don't get me wrong, Many people have told me how I've helped them without knowing that I'm depressed. I don't have low self esteem really. I know I am a great tutor, I'm great at school, My work in school and in recovery has inspired lots of people and I know a lot of people have looked up to me for advice or as a role model. People have told me how brave I have been to get through my traumas, to survive after all that.
So what? What if I am successful, talented, driven and an inspriration to others (on the outside)? That doesn't change the fact that this life has taken it's toll and that I don't see a reason to keep living. I'm so tired of "persevering." I don't owe it to them to keep living in this miserable lifestyle. They can find another role model. There are plenty of reasons why other people want me to live and to recover, But I cannot find a reason why I would want to live.
Has anyone been there? What are your reasons to live? What do you do to help yourself get off the floor?
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
Good luck to you & keep your mind leveled and high because self positivity is going to be your major support!
I'm 48, my father was a Pedophile, molested me for 5 or 6 years, dealt with it by cutting, still havn't quite kicked that one, 30 years later, married my (lol I hate this term with all that is in me) High School Sweetheart, stayed married to a semi-functional alcoholic who got really mean when he was drunk, and like to hit things, mainly me, got 2 awesome Sons out of the deal, but I stayed about 26 years too long, lets see, for all my troubles I got 28 years of Suicidal BiPolar Depression, 31 years of multiple chronic diseases including 2 bouts with Cancer, RA, Advanced Osteo, Degenerative Cartilage issues that make using any joint on my body interesting, liver disease, chronic kidney stones, Grand Mal Seizures, Cluster Migraines, etc. etc. etc. alot of pain and a ton of Dr.'s, Surgeons and meds every day/week/month.
For my troubles I did get a High IQ, did get the ability to get to Stable in the damn BiPolar, get multiple University Degrees that allowed me to get the hell out of the redneck, white trash town I came from and make a pretty nice life for my kids, as I was the Breadwinner in my house, lol the alcoholic could rarely keep a job.....
Yeah, I get the praise, I can help people, I deal with my self esteem, and I keep all the Pdocs and Therapists and family members happy by staying alive and breathing on this planet.....do I want to?? 75% of the time, No I do NOT....but I have these kids that prefer their mom to be alive, so I don't get to be selfish even when I really, really want to. Life is just another thing that I have to learn to deal with, conquer and live, there are times when that is so damn hard, I don't even bother to get out of bed because it would be too hard to convince myself to keep living that day...but I roll over and start at my kids pictures surrounding me on my wall and get that spark of "hope and faith" that I need to go 1 more day.
You have to find the thing that makes you want to say, "screw you world I'm here on my terms and I'll live because I like to do X"....what is your "X"? Had I not married or had kids, I probably would have just stayed in University getting one Degree after another, because learning, studying, researching, writing...that's the stuff I love to do, so now as long as I can still work, even if its only 25 hours a week, I'm okay. The day comes that I can't use my brain and have to just sit at home... well, my sons are adults and we are very straight talking in my family and they know I can only push life so far.
Find your "X", DanceStrong, let yourself enjoy something, screw the crap that life has thrown at you, you can't change the past, you can survive the future on your terms.
Take care,
Kat