Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Probably a strange subject, but YA...
Today I was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster..
I started making plans for my suicide, and am hoping for tomorrow.. but more likely then not it will happen Thursday, but we will see how it goes..
I need to start on my note and notes to all the people I care about, but will get to that tomorrow at lunch time, if I've not gotten my phone so I can reach out for help..
method has been an interesting conundrum.. Ideally I would have something that would get rid of my body, like drowning and then lost at sea or eaten by sharks, but I wont have the courage for that, so decided in the end to buy some tape and a hose pipe, there is a place across from my work where I can get what I need, and the bottom level parking lot is quiet enough for my intentions.
at one point during the day I decided not to give god the satisfaction of sending me to hell, but I don't see a point in delaying the inevitable with regards to that.. so yea.. at-least I get to shove him a toffee before being thrown into hell..
sigh.. the thought of it still makes me feel happy.. like there will finally be a definitive end to all of it..
but I'm no quitter.. so I want to try reaching one last time, I can kill myself at any point but cant reach for help in hell so yea.. there is that.. another thing is, and I've partly given up on it, is my life goal of making a difference.. I'm wanting to write a book, but yea don't think it will help, and the dream seems pretty pointless so fuck it..
I'll let everyone know how it goes and what my final decision is..
Today I was on a bit of an emotional roller coaster..
I started making plans for my suicide, and am hoping for tomorrow.. but more likely then not it will happen Thursday, but we will see how it goes..
I need to start on my note and notes to all the people I care about, but will get to that tomorrow at lunch time, if I've not gotten my phone so I can reach out for help..
method has been an interesting conundrum.. Ideally I would have something that would get rid of my body, like drowning and then lost at sea or eaten by sharks, but I wont have the courage for that, so decided in the end to buy some tape and a hose pipe, there is a place across from my work where I can get what I need, and the bottom level parking lot is quiet enough for my intentions.
at one point during the day I decided not to give god the satisfaction of sending me to hell, but I don't see a point in delaying the inevitable with regards to that.. so yea.. at-least I get to shove him a toffee before being thrown into hell..
sigh.. the thought of it still makes me feel happy.. like there will finally be a definitive end to all of it..
but I'm no quitter.. so I want to try reaching one last time, I can kill myself at any point but cant reach for help in hell so yea.. there is that.. another thing is, and I've partly given up on it, is my life goal of making a difference.. I'm wanting to write a book, but yea don't think it will help, and the dream seems pretty pointless so fuck it..
I'll let everyone know how it goes and what my final decision is..
The worsted part about it is the feeling of selfishness when you think about the things that some people have gone through and still have the strength to get through the day..
This one female friend that I had.. well lets not get into that story, its not going to help..
I rarely drink but will get drunk and more depressed and maybe if I am lucky will fall asleep. But those negative thoughts and wanting to stop the hurt are there and won't go away.
If you want to PM I will add you as a friend. Some people may get to angry and upset by some of this.
Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255
Your life matters and I pray you will see that it does.
Please reach out for help. Think of the people that care about you.
Gentle hugs to you.
Call that number and talk to them. They are there all the time.
I have known many people unfortunately that have killed themselves and it is beyond heartbreaking to the Parents and the Family and the friends and everyone they leave behind. Things will get better.
Please believe me when I tell you that. {{{HUGS}}}
I'll be fine..
I see my life as nothing, even if it does matter to some people, it matters nothing to me.. I've lived simply for others for 8 years now (since I was 16 / probably younger..) but I simply don't care anymore, my mother (only parent) emotionally abused me, and I can't give a shit about her, I let her live with me to keep myself in check (a method I've used my whole life, force myself into a position that will protect me, or prevent me) but I moved out at 17 to get away from her, I hated her then, and tolerate her now..
I have found a support group, but they are unwilling to communicate via email for some reason, probably wanting to give a personal touch.. so I have to wait till I have a working phone for that.. which I'm holding off for.. otherwise I'm pretty determined..
I know the numbers in my area don't worry :) and I will look for help before taking action..
otherwise, its getting pretty late here, thanks everyone for the support.. have a good evening / morning / afternoon depending on location.
Life is unbearable for me. I hope things turn around for you.
We just keep looking.
The way out is simple to define, but implementing it can be hard.
Define a future version of yourself, and then work day by day to rebuild yourself into that image.
I hope that you are able to find that thing that gets you through another day.
Continuing hugs.
I'm so sorry that you're in a hard place with your mom. I have a similar situation with my Dad: he was verbally emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive from the time I was 4 years old until...well now. But the thing now is that he developed early onset alzheimer's disease 11 years ago and I've had to help take care of him. The whole situation is so messed up, and it can tear you up inside.
You're not worthless. I want to tell you that. You have good things to give. For one, you have been very friendly here. I know that I feel a little better when I can relate to someone, I don't feel so alone...and I hope you feel the same way. I wish I knew you better so I could tell you more about how valuable you are, but I don't. If you stuck around, then we would have that opportunity.
Please consider it.
-Sadie