I guess I am just trying to understand how it is that you can function at your job, but not at home? And you are GOOD at what you do too! How can you use thta same mind set, energy and focus when you're at home?

U REALLY NEED A HUG..........................
BIG, GIGANTIC HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

Congrats on making it to work...and now maybe try telling yourself some extra sleeping is fine as long as you also do at least one more thing. I do not beat myself up for sleeping and/or for not getting all things done, but I do "make myself" do at least part of at least one more thing or whatever else might be next each day.

maybe when you come home from work you could do a load of laundry or pick up a room before going to bed.

My fitbit says I'm in bed most days over 11 hours...I might not sleep all 11 but I'm flat on my back for most of those hours...and I still get things done. my body just needs the rest

they call what you did today Escape sleeping...it is considered a bad thing to do by the mental health community....I used to get rousted out of bed all the time when I lived in psych ward for 13months,.....they kept kicking me out if they found me in bed....I still spend too much time in bed when I have no money to do anything and nothing to do outside of the house....but things in house can also pile up when I escape sleep too....so I get ya and you are not alone...it just needs to be scaled down if possible....

don't listen to these nay sayers! I had a nervous breakdown, and had the same problems. No housework done. Could only work when others were around me. I was like an inert object: could only act when acted upon. :D when people left I deteriorated down into stasis like feckin robin williams on standby in Bicentennial Man.

It's a very low layer of depression. Some things lift you out. The idea of saying before you walk in the door after work "I will do the dishes" and then getting straight into it - telling yourself things, making rules. Humans suffer a kind of inertia. Once you're doing the dishes, you're okay. But to START them? OMG.

It's not laziness. it's that your energy bucket is empty. And you have to ask yourself why.

I have learned a few things about myself in this time, and here they are in case they're useful.

Living in filth empties my bucket. So there's a point at which I have to get up and fix things, to let my bucket fill back up. This can take a few goes (by goes I mean weeks of trying every day.)

Once things are nice, that energy continues for me, and feeds back into my system. I have to keep my environment nice or I go crazy with depression. Knowing this isn't negotiable is what makes it happen.

I actually like doing dishes when I have good heat-proof gloves.

When watching telly, if I tell myself "get up in the ads and put away these things here" that can be done. There are lots of ads.

I have to have telly or something on in the house or I sit in silence and do nothing.

Getting my cats was a really good idea because they love me and require food.

get out the pollish and the rag, and make one room sparkle. Every single bit of that room. Once you have that, you can start to fill back up.

And when your house is okay, only then should you try to improve any other area of your life. Don't try to start too big. :)

Oh. And don't be mean to yourself whenever you fail. As einstein said once, There is no such thing as failure, only finding 1000 ways that do not work.

Or something like that.

Do not ever put yourself down. That's our job. . . . :D I joke.

But don't. You are in a strange place, called depression land. Where the rules of gravity and time do not apply. Just learn the terrain. It's not personal. Everyone who has been where you are has had to experience what you're experiencing. It's not personal. It's locational.

I recommend a counsellor and I recommend medication if your counsellor thinks that's a good idea. Not forever, just for the really dark times. You're worn down, but you don't have to say negative things about yourself, and you don't have to treat yourself like a failure.

:)

I like what someone else replied in another one of your posts. They said-If you normally wake up at 1:00, and then the next day you wake up at 12:59, it's progress. I don't remember who said it, but I kept that in my head, for my own circumstances too.