I hate what I put as the title because my dad always says to me “you’re sabatoging yourself!” and it always makes me so upset. But maybe I am? I don’t feel like I do it on purpose.
Like whenever a good opportunity comes my way, like school or a job or a social event, I always end up failing or not going. I’m not trying to “sabatoge myself” persay, but sometimes I’m just too tired to try. Or I want to try but I’m too anxious and bail at the last second. Or I try but get burnt out and quit.
And then I think “what if I had actually stuck with that?” and hate myself for not doing so. Anyways, I’m just worried that maybe I am sabatoging myself because I have never thought I deserve happiness and I can’t see that for myself.
I can’t see what other people see. I just feel like a terrible person and no matter what anyone tells me, I will never think I’m good enough for good things to happen to me. I constantly feel like a disappointment to everyone, and honestly, I wish I could just be gone forever, but I know it would just be that much more of a hassle for my family.
its too much to handle. Just as I’m googling how to sleep when feeling a little anxiety I get a message from work that is bad real bad. I can’t do this anymore. I need to got out of this and I don’t know how. I have no help and it’s too much for me to take