Sounds like you need therapy to work on yourself.
A good therapist can be very helpful to figuring out
your life.

I've done the same thing, mine is more social than anything else tho, like I can do bookwork, or paperwork all day long, but socializing is like agony to me, and then being left out is like agony. I've really pushed myself lately, but what helped me get going was going on You Tube every morning when I get up. I started out with 6 minutes to start your day off right. I do exercises like twice or 3 times a week, I feel really good when I do that.

I'm so sorry that you're having this struggle. I have been there before.

It sounds to me like you may be struggling with perfectionism.
You're trying and trying to reach a certain goal, but the goal may be too vague for you to know what to reach for. Or you might feel like you'll never reach the goal, so you burn out trying. (You are probably setting the bar higher than it needs to be.)
Can you make a goal for yourself to reach that is reachable right now, today? What would happen if you set a small task for yourself, something pretty easy; and then, after you accomplished that one, you set another goal just above it? You could meet each one in increments, knowing that you don't have to achieve everything all at once.

Don't set your sights on the finish line. Just look at the next thing in front of you. Only think about THAT and do it, one day at a time, one moment at a time.

Worry and anxiety look way out ahead and say "I'll never reach that" --- and then hopelessness plants a seed in your heart.
But if you only focus on the task immediately in front of you, you will accomplish each step to the finish line.
Don't look ahead. Just looks at what's right in front of you, the next thing. Even setbacks are fine. They are just part of the learning process.

And DEFINITELY don't let lies like "I'm a disappointment to everyone" or "I wish I could be gone forever" have ANY place in your mind. There is NO truth in them!
Never accept those statements.

You are loved and cherished. Your parents are more interested in your well-being and happiness than they are in anything you might achieve. Let that sink and and savor it.

My dad used to tell me all the time things like that. He used to tell me I should do this and I should do that. Turns out he was right. Look at it like this, he’s been through life and knows what to do. But sometimes they don’t say it the right way. I have a son and I do the same thing but I try different approaches hoping one of them sticks. I’m the end it’s your life and you have to live it. The most important thing is not to get discouraged by mistakes but learn from them for the next time.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. This is a very feeling to deal with. Have you thought about seeing a professional and telling them what you are going through? This can help because they will find ways to help you overcome these things. I hope everything gets better!

Your dad isn't a bad guy, he just doesn't know what you're dealing with. Ignore that he says "your sabotaging yourself" because he really has no idea how you're feeling inside. DO NOT blame yourself, you can't control the way you feel. It sounds like your anxiety is causing your to not go through with things NOT because your lazy or don't want good things. I completely understand what you're going through so feel free to message me!

I cannot say I feel the exact same feelings you are goin through. From my experience, I found the pressures of those around me overbearing and it felt easier to no try than to try and see yourself fail and disappoint not just yourself, but all those that support and encourage you, like your family. the thing about "self sabotaging" that I realized for myself is that the things I was doing never held any real meaning. In all the things you have done and the values you have held on to, look for what brings meaning to life. not anybody else's but your own. What does life, or even being alive mean to you. Answering those questions, might give you something worth failing and getting back up!