Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I've been doing very well lately. And it comes to me as no surprise that my mental and emotional wellness tend to increase as my physical and social wellness increase.
Which leads me to purport that many of us here live lives that become a self-perpetuating cycle.
When we're down, we feel tired and become lazy. When we become lazy we get bored. When we become bored we get lonely. When we get lonely we feel even worse. When we feel even worse we start to do things that are hazardous to our health - eating junk food, not exercising, staying cooped up indoors, ignoring friends family and coworkers. When we start doing such self-destructive things we make our problems even worse and it gets to the point where we feel stuck in a rut - we can't remember the last time we were happy and we begin to hate life. We begin to blame our shitty lot in life for how we feel, instead of looking at our self-destructive habits and doing something about them.
I'm not trying to tell anyone here that your problems are all your fault. Surely, they are not. Something had to trigger the initial spiral downward. What I am trying to get at is that there is a hell of a lot that we can do to pick ourselves up that most of us never bother trying. Whether it is because we are convinced that we will never be happy regardless of what we do, or whether it's because we are so fatigued, so pounded down my our demons that we feel incapable of making changes.
I'm talking about the concept of the locus of control. Where does your perceived locus of control lie?
Locus of control can be internal or external. In a healthy, well balanced individual, that locus of control is perceived as greatly internal, with a healthy acceptance of those external realities that cannot be controlled.
In an unhealthy individual, the locus of control is perceived as external - they feel as if they have zero control over their life; things just happen to them. These people are not agents in the world, they are passive objects.
I would like to ask each and every one of you which type are you? Where do YOU perceive your locus of control to be?
Do YOU control your life, or do "the forces that be"?
Whatever situation you are in, whatever external, uncontrollable forces have thrown your way, there is ALWAYS some aspect that you can control.
You can control your reactions to events, situations and people.
You can control your diet, your exercise regimen, your choice of entertainment, your friends, your job, your volunteer commitments...
You can control your attitudes, your ideals, and your evaluations.
I have recently managed to break out of the self-perpetuating, self-destructive cycle that so many of us find ourselves "locked" into. And as it turns out, it's not as hard as it seems when you're looking at it. It's about making minor choices each and every day - conscious choices to do things that are helpful not harmful, healthy not self-destructive. The more positive choices you make, the easier it becomes.
Again, I'm not laying the blame at anyone's feet for what they are feeling. What I am doing is trying to encourage you all to do what it is that you CAN do - to harness what control you DO have - to overcome what ails you. You didn't ask to be depressed. You didn't decide one day that you were going to be this way. But you have decided each and every day since then what it is you are going to do about it that day. You have decided, consciously or not, each and every day what you are going to eat, do, see, discover and be.
Which leads me to purport that many of us here live lives that become a self-perpetuating cycle.
When we're down, we feel tired and become lazy. When we become lazy we get bored. When we become bored we get lonely. When we get lonely we feel even worse. When we feel even worse we start to do things that are hazardous to our health - eating junk food, not exercising, staying cooped up indoors, ignoring friends family and coworkers. When we start doing such self-destructive things we make our problems even worse and it gets to the point where we feel stuck in a rut - we can't remember the last time we were happy and we begin to hate life. We begin to blame our shitty lot in life for how we feel, instead of looking at our self-destructive habits and doing something about them.
I'm not trying to tell anyone here that your problems are all your fault. Surely, they are not. Something had to trigger the initial spiral downward. What I am trying to get at is that there is a hell of a lot that we can do to pick ourselves up that most of us never bother trying. Whether it is because we are convinced that we will never be happy regardless of what we do, or whether it's because we are so fatigued, so pounded down my our demons that we feel incapable of making changes.
I'm talking about the concept of the locus of control. Where does your perceived locus of control lie?
Locus of control can be internal or external. In a healthy, well balanced individual, that locus of control is perceived as greatly internal, with a healthy acceptance of those external realities that cannot be controlled.
In an unhealthy individual, the locus of control is perceived as external - they feel as if they have zero control over their life; things just happen to them. These people are not agents in the world, they are passive objects.
I would like to ask each and every one of you which type are you? Where do YOU perceive your locus of control to be?
Do YOU control your life, or do "the forces that be"?
Whatever situation you are in, whatever external, uncontrollable forces have thrown your way, there is ALWAYS some aspect that you can control.
You can control your reactions to events, situations and people.
You can control your diet, your exercise regimen, your choice of entertainment, your friends, your job, your volunteer commitments...
You can control your attitudes, your ideals, and your evaluations.
I have recently managed to break out of the self-perpetuating, self-destructive cycle that so many of us find ourselves "locked" into. And as it turns out, it's not as hard as it seems when you're looking at it. It's about making minor choices each and every day - conscious choices to do things that are helpful not harmful, healthy not self-destructive. The more positive choices you make, the easier it becomes.
Again, I'm not laying the blame at anyone's feet for what they are feeling. What I am doing is trying to encourage you all to do what it is that you CAN do - to harness what control you DO have - to overcome what ails you. You didn't ask to be depressed. You didn't decide one day that you were going to be this way. But you have decided each and every day since then what it is you are going to do about it that day. You have decided, consciously or not, each and every day what you are going to eat, do, see, discover and be.
Do either of you believe in the power of positive and negative energy? Personally, I do. I truly believe that the energy we emit from ourselves has a profound effect on the world around us. I think this is where the greatest difficulty lies - you've been so trampled on, so beaten down, that you've grown to view the world as a hostile and negative place, without even having the luxury of noticing the gradual change. When someone's life has been met with so much negativity, it becomes internalized and everything you say, do, think and feel is tainted by that negative energy.
The trick is to somehow replace that negative energy with positive. Which I understand can be damn near impossible. How the Hell can I honestly expect someone whose had their trust broken repeatedly, someone whose parents make them feel useless, someone whose friendships have never lasted, or someone whose career path has met with nothing but barriers to miraculously decide one day "I'm going to get better."?
I can't. It's not my place. What I can expect, though, is that broken people - people who have be trampled and used and abused - are still capable of being empowered to regain control over their psychic energy. No one can simply decide to be happy, and be happy. I wish it were that easy! But we are all capable of self-reflection. We are all capable of looking within ourselves, into our past, into our pain, and into our internal processes to search for the roots of what plagues us. If you look inside yourself and you find that your main source of insecurity is the fact that you have never felt needed, for example, this leaves you with a problem that you can put your finger on, and begin the process of overcoming. You can look for novel ways to make yourself feel valuable and needed.
The biggest thing, though, is overcoming the grand, overarching negative themes in your thoughts, feelings and possibly actions. You need to consciously replace negativity with positivity - even when it might seem or feel like you don't deserve any better, or that there is no point. I promise you there is a point. There really is.
Negativity can eat away at your - mind, heart and soul - if you let it. It's a hell of a battle to overcome it, and I don't think any of us ever fully do, but when you find yourself taking control of what pieces you can the change is unimaginable and inexplicable.
I just can't bring myself to believe that getting better is possible, I keep telling myself that I will be better some day.
With all the negativity around us, I don't think it's only our perception of the world, politics natural disasters, people getting killed, It's everywhere. The only piece of happiness and positive energy i find is in music, and isolation.
I'm sorry I have ten thousand thoughts bombarding me now.
I can't focus, write, think, the only thing that comes to mind is to drown those thoughts, anything that will numb me, and let this stop for a while.
Say as an easy example, you are sad because you feel you are ugly...
This could be in your head....
So you try to stop the negative thoughts, you exercise, you dress as nicely as you can afford, you wear make up, you make yourself as beautiful as possible...
You step out the house and someone says - wow look at that ugly person.
It smashes the little confidence you've built.
But you think just one person, so you try it all again.
Then it happens again, a different person, or a child points at you and says whats wrong with your face?
So you try again, it happens again.
At what point do you realise that what you are doing is promising yourself, giving yourself false hope.
Suppose this happens throughout your childhood, that you are called ugly or stupid everyday, that is the foundation you have to build on, and it doesn't get better when you are an adult, you experience constant rejection and are constantly put down by the world around you.
In a way, yes, you should make yourself feel beautiful for yourself, but we aren't an island, we are social creatures and the way society treats you is important.
You can keep fighting, keep trying, but ultimately the world and its responses won't change for you and it might be better to just learn to accept your place in society. If social norms and standards say you are an ugly, stupid, freak and you have tried with everything you have to become something other than yourself, something better, with all you feel you have, for years and years, and you have still failed. At what point is it okay to give up trying? Or should you keep bashing your head against a brick wall in the hope that it leads to some kind of happiness....
Life isn't good for some people, happiness and acceptance as part of society won't heppen, and some people are destined to a miserable existence with only themselves for happiness even if that self is inadequate to provide it.
I was called ugly and stupid everyday of my childhood. Whenever my mom and aunt looked at me they would point out the flaws and whatever I said was stupid. I was afraid to talk to anyone for fear they would run away because I was so ugly.
the truth was, I am no beauty queen but far from ugly. What I say is valid for me, screw what anyone else thinks. The say that beauty comes from the soul, I believe that. You may try loving yourself and then screw the rest. I feel your pain and understand where it is coming from.