Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Say anything at all, completely OT.
I feel a little depressed this morning.
I feel a little depressed this morning.
To be fair, I do understand some people just don't know what else to say/do for someone in dire straights.
I stopped posting here because of the cliches and such....no matter how I'd phrase things, it never came out the way I'd meant for it to.
Guess that's part of the problem with interacting in cyberspace, you can't "hear" the tone of voice of the person "speaking".
As Heidiclark said, I hope the people that ruined whoever I might have been are rotting in hell!!! I've living it but still hope they have an eternity of it!!!
Not sure I'll ever get to "forgiveness", still trying to understand the why of it all.
For those still alive who live to make me miserable, I do hope Kharma hits while I'm still alive just to see what song they'll sing then!!
*hugs* for everyone (well, those who want them anyway)
I'm growing more aware daily that television, even reality television, is hell if you take it literally. Cable TV and Youtube are two different experiences. Youtube sometimes is real life, Cable TV seems just one big production of delusion often. In the past it was "there is nothing on" when I couldn't find something interesting to watch on television. Now it's "why would someone broadcast this and what type of mind finds this enjoyable?" I'm not being humorous entirely or critical, I'm honestly asking. I'm asking in a rhetorical manner. I've imagined a camera on me every second of the day and it's like a disease. That much attention is bound for drama. Since I imagined a camera was on me I attached that with everyone's eyes on me and that was unbearable often as well. The threshold of tolerance of pain was will driven and it broke me down several times. I actually turned sadistic, I think that is the word for in love with pain, and my ego distorted my sight and thoughts. I actually hallucinated more times than I would admit normally, and strange dimensions surrounded me constantly. The whole experience broadened my concept of boundless reality and drove me to a force that demanded I accept imagination can be definite reality. In order to cope with the friction and stress of the experience I resorted to fantasy. I've found fantasy and imagination to be two different things. Fantasy for me became a want or need, imagining was more of a happening or action not entirely thought based. I gained a frightening connection to what some would call darkness and driven to succeed drove myself backwards as a devolve, it was the equivalent of driving a car well backwards on a highway where everyone else except the spectators were driving forwards. Some of the other drivers were poor drivers, some average, some confident. My driving, as an image, was unique or abnormal. Reason and logic took the wheel one day and I didn't necessarily crash, the hold vanished, and I was left with nothing, not even association with the darkness I spoke of. The energy I acquired through my own will to be noticed and a presence ended up eroding my real thought process and educated me to the idea that real "evil" or negativity exists and is often very powerful as a demand outside. Some people were saying they hope the people who wronged them go to hell, I understand the feeling but I now know people who wrong others usually are already going through hell. I was of the category that saw no other valuable source of reason, ill-minded keep in mind, than annihilation and termination. Basically what I'm saying is I thought harming someone who harmed me for no concrete reasoning on the surface should deserve to be extinct. I then was reminded that people are given the privilage or grace to learn something better or adequate as a balance everyday. If I were to destroy people who were "evil", possibly just relatively voided of other knowledge, I would be taking away opportunity for them to change or experience something other than hell. I don't even really hope karma plays a role of revenge as I write this. The dark forces that I perceived were harming me were indirectly making me more whole. Would I break bread with them? Probably not, it's a trust issue. The bronze beam to the situation is I said "probably", so if I set my past aside, I could share a meal with someone who wronged me. Most people preach insight and oversight, nobody really ever talks about an outside focal point into the inside of being(s). If you're busy looking at something from within yourself, yourself is going to say what you see. A bum will be a bum, a car will be a car, things will look bland and feel broad. If you remove your view and focus on outside then allow you to gravitate in, although not always initially rewarding, you truly get other points of view. Once you've acquired this other point of view the key is integrating your own into the situations or life experiences to gain balance. It's not a black and white world, and if it is for you or anyone else, I hope that works. I highly doubt divisionist who exceed from segmentation, collaterally even, can accel at thought or practice. Individually it seems clear to them and works, but that same individual process of generating existence can equally ignore others are equal individuals. If you individually believe your thought is either inferior or superior to another you automatically elevate your own opinionated mind as a factual reservoir that most likely will produce lies as a constant. To constitute means to institute as a whole and with purpose. Opinionated minds cannot constitute correctly as a whole because elevation of thought is the basis for argument, the constant is division. Constantly opinionated often uneducated as an awareness individuality disagrees with actual premise, which is to gain and understand. You can't gain and understand if opinion is spoken or descriptive in a tone of fact. Opinion spoken in a tone of fact is persuasion. A fact doesn't need the accompaniment of persuasion. An opinionated unaware speaker, whom could be called a liar legitimately, relies on persuasion to solidify their own facts, which are really just opinions masking as facts through inexperience. If you have an experience, facts will come out of that experience. If you think you can understand an experience of potential, by thinking hard or imagining and not actually going through it, your information is of your own opinion. Facts can coincide within the opinion, and free thought can then decide whether the conclusion is instituted fact or opinion. Legally the free world is a world of opinion, laws of the free world are laws of opinion, and the fact is a group of opinions determine fact ironically in society as a constitute. Slaves aren't human beings was a fact in 1776 constituently, now you're crazy if you still believe that today. Women were unequal in 1776 constituently, now you're crazy if you believe they are second class citizens.
I recommend the shows Curb Your Enthusiam, Maron, Ali G. If you have anger, you probably want to stay away from salt or spices.
If musicians or famous musicians sell their souls to the devil, do I really want to be paying attention to them? I'd rather pay attention and learn from someone who is content with limitation and liability. There is nothing wrong with someone who chooses to "sell their soul" a larger argument would say they need more love because of their mistake. It's the ones who think it was the right thing to do that you probably should shut off from inception. The whole Robert Johnson theory is kind of like baseball players taking steroids to hit more home runs. It's not like the baseball players weren't talented in the first place or couldn't swing a bat. If you're deceived like Eve, or possibly even the Snake as an original thought form of lacking truth, you should have nothing to worry about because your innocence was attacked. I would think Karma would be instructed to intercept "evil" in these terms. I am certain people fall when they with no reluctance ignore humility.
I have no clue if that resonated, but it felt damn good to get that out.