When I started working with my coach he said that things would start flowing toward me instead of away from me. I would say, after working with him, that this largely started to become true. Good things started materalizing and I was on an upswing.

Lately, though I am not feeling that so much. There are times when I wonder why there are no phone calls or texts for days at a time. It just makes me wonder. It would be nice to talk, to just say hello to someone like once during the day. No big deal, just a casual conversation.

After one of my friends moved out of town, she said that you just have to put yourself out there and try. Well, I did. I can think of several times that I put myself out there, only to have no reply. I made an attempt to get together wtih someone this weekend, and said in a text, what time is a good time to come out, but got no reply, or just get no replies.

Everyone says that I am a much better person to get along with, in my support group, but I get tired of being reminded all the time 'just how hard I was to take.' It's like I keep getting reminded of this AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. Sometimes I want to say just drop it alright? What is the deal? Like you are so much better now, you are perfect to talk to now.

So if that's true, why do I feel like people just don't give a shit, like sometimes they just want to push off. I had one woman say that she would like to try to be friends, then we got together and as soon as she left, like in 35 minutes, she left the breakfast table. I feel like giving up and I feel indifferent. Like I'm on the moon or something shouting and no one is hearing me.

I got invited to a party from my high school, and went, even though I was apprehensive, thinking I might get treated bad. But they were like, oh, come see us. I went there and the host would not look at me. I was stuck there because they had offered me something to drink and I had started drinking. She kept her arms folded really tight and refused to look at me at all. I was horrified.