With my best friend gone I've been holding in so many secrets all my family trusts and confided in me with. I'm keeping secrets from my siblings to my parents and vice versa. I always have to watch what I say or it's going to leak information from one person to another. It's just a big run around and I hate it.

Two people (x and y for the sake of privacy) whom I am very close to have a problem with a fine and pending charges. They are dating and X has been charged with possibly 3 counts of animal neglect. Until his court hearing he can't be within a football field's length of any animal.

He has 5 dogs with his boyfriend Y currently (and he does love them). However, they fight with each other constantly and X has been wanting to leave Y. Y is blackmailing and resorting to domestic violence to keep him from leaving, though. A week ago when they were fighting Y was afraid X would call the cops on him so Y called the cops on X and told about him having dogs at his place. Now they've made up again and he can't go home and take care of his dogs because he's afraid the police will show up. X and Y drive to their house each day after work to feed the dogs and let the potty and they come back to my place to stay. I thought they were only staying a couple days and now it's almost been a week.

On top of that I might not even have enough for my bills and they're racking up my water, gas, and electric. I mentioned it to X (who still owes me almost $500 from where I helped him in October) and he said they weren't using any more utilities than I do... I'm getting trapped and used again and it's making my depression and anxiety skyrocket.

All of this has caused me to be stuck in the middle of someone's relationship, keeping someone hidden from the cops in case they find out he owns 4 animals currently, and possibly no ability of paying off my rent that I'm already having to use a payment plan for.

I'm just really starting to break with this on top of my job at the hospital. I hadn't been in that hospital since I was with my grandma (bff) as she was getting her chemo treatments. So it's difficult to deliver food to patients when they remind me of her. I just have so many different things going on and I'm sorry this is so long.

I almost got hit straight on when pulling out of my apartment complex the other day by a big truck. I wasn't scared. I was actually heartbroken I didn't get hit. I was disappointed. And I'm really getting closer and closer to ending things. These feelings are getting harder to control and the wait on an appointment with a psychologist is at least 6 weeks here so everything is just looking even more and more hopeless for me. If there's any advice on any of this, especially where I can seek help, please let me know.