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In society, there are certain things that might be considered universally rude, such as talking with your mouth full or maybe picking your nose in public. What gets me is what people think is rude behavior when the othe person is completely unaware of it. Last week, I read about a woman complaining she didn't receive a thank you note from someone to whom she gave a gift. I was unaware of this "custom" until 10 years ago. Why? I didn't receive many gifts from people growing up. So, who was I going to write? Also, if I did receive a gift, I was taught to simply say thank you when I received it or to thank him or her when I saw that person next time. A in-person thank you was preferably and a written note was considered inpersonal and rude. Not everyone shares the same customs and one should perhaps inquire about them before going off the handle.
On the flip side, if I'm invited somewhere, I don't expect to pay and if I invite someone somewhere, I'll pay for it. So, go ahead and order that aged New York steak or extra hotdog at the game, I wouldn't have invited you there if I couldn't afford it. I've run into some problems with this when people have invited me to the movies or games and then considered it rude when I asked for them to pay for the ticket. I can see their point of view. I managed to convince one person of my pov when he came up with an example. He saw it as the equivalent of inviting me over for dinner at his house and expecting me to cook it. I'm a guest and should be treated as such whether it be at a house or ballgame.
On the flip side, if I'm invited somewhere, I don't expect to pay and if I invite someone somewhere, I'll pay for it. So, go ahead and order that aged New York steak or extra hotdog at the game, I wouldn't have invited you there if I couldn't afford it. I've run into some problems with this when people have invited me to the movies or games and then considered it rude when I asked for them to pay for the ticket. I can see their point of view. I managed to convince one person of my pov when he came up with an example. He saw it as the equivalent of inviting me over for dinner at his house and expecting me to cook it. I'm a guest and should be treated as such whether it be at a house or ballgame.
Hopefully, on invitation, one of the parties will clarify to the other if the event will be complimentary or 'Dutch Treat". It would be most appropriate if it were the person making the invitation, but at least now days, it needs to be understood beforehand. Like I say, in the past, it was assumed on invitation, costs would be covered by the person doing the inviting ... but times have changed.
Regarding thank you notes .. I think as long as a sincere thank you is delivered in due time, it doesn't matter what the medium is. A verbal is as good as a written.
As for "inviting" people places, in my rhealm of friends we do not invite with the intention of paying unless we specifically say we are paying. We go out very often with couples we ask to go to dinner or a movie with us and noone expects us to pay. I think it is a little different when you are asking someone to "join" you to go somewhere than actually "inviting" them as your guest.
Funny you mention the dinner situation because it is also our custom when we invite people to dinner that they bring a dish to share and often help us cook the meal. It is all in how you wish to "entertain" I guess. We are not wealthy by any means so maybe that makes our standard of expectation lower. Hugs
I also think it would depend on the relationship with A N Other regarding what is expected or who should pay, or not pay. For instance if I was asking a long term mate to go to the flicks....WE would both expect to pay our own, and we would automatically know, this was the norm, or if it was a regular thing, maybe we would take turns etc. If this was a date (a 1st date), however, I would PROBABLY expect the male to pay. If it was for drinks, I wouldnt hesitate to pay for a round of drinks, on the other hand if my date had specified payment was expected from me, I would walk away from the date. If it was my partner, all things should be equal, unless it is for a birthday or something.
Regarding gifts, I got a thank you note last week from my nephew, thanking me for his birthday gifts. I didnt expect this at all and personally didnt think it was necessary. He is my nephew, I love him and I love to buy him gifts.
As for inviting someone for dinner, I cook and serve but I would find it rude if they didnt at least bring a bottle of wine, or a box of choccies or something.
lol....did that make sense?....lol
x
stuff like this can be avoided with proper communication BEFORE arriving at the point of paying.
If someone wants me to come along somewhere but has limited $$ for the outing they can simply say "can you buy your own food while we're there?" No problem with that whatsoever, and avoids surprises or hurt feelings later.
xx
When I get an invite I like to have the money on me to pay my share. Though often times it turns out to be the other party's "treat" and people realize that more often than not, I'm broke! I still like to carry enough cash to not be caught in an awkward situation. If I plan to pay, I let the other person know ahead of time that it will be "my treat" so they know they won't have to worry about it and to avoid that kind of weirdness.