Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
After a year, I'm back. Many things are different, such as I have job, which paid for the computer I'm using. I know people will say I'm fortunate for these things, but that where the things that are the same come in. I have difficulties at work from a erratic schedule, I'm learning the job as I go due to lack of training, having to deal with people despite my disorders making it very difficult to do so and the fear that all of this will cause me to lose this job. That fear lead me to spend my money on a computer, a lot of clothes and my favorite junk food (I bought out the Munchos) while I had the opportunity. I even treated myself to an expensive dinner, imaging a life where things were better and I could afford such things. I cried when I drove home from the restaurant when I began to think that the money might soon be gone and I'll be luck to get a frozen burrito. When I go home after work, I think about everything I did wrong. Unfortunately, this review doesn't help me as I know any attempt to change will fail, as it always has. Probably the only bright spot during work is when I occasionally see this cute redhead co-worker. While I may be attracted to women, it's often more of an annoyance as I'll never marry, despite my family's insistence, as I know I'd make a terrible husband and father.
I've been going to Mass, as I did pray to Him for help in getting the job. Yet, I'm alone in that church. The disorders He's given me prevent me from connecting to anyone. Oh, you can depend on Him, they say. Yet, Adam had Eve. When I hear people talk about how the love and support of their family and friends helped them, I get angry. Why am I denied that? Why can't I feel love and happiness? Why does praise wash off me, but criticism hits like a rock to the face? There's no help there. 2,000 years and the Church is as clueless as the rest of society on mental illness. Don't depend on feelings, they say. Well, let them try it and see if they can.
I'm sorry for rambling on, but I did say I would in the post title. I'll try to check in as I can.
