Now this is a weird thing to even complain about.. but for the biggest part of my life people have told me that I am smart. Smart and talented in so many ways. 

Now why would that bother me? Because I myself have interpreted it to mean that I have responsibility. I need to make the most out of my gifts.

Many, many people do not try to make the world a better place. That just leaves more for the rest of us to do. 

How is my life going to be meaningful if I can't make it work? What if I invest in one specific aspect of how I'm going to try to make the world better and then I fail because the outside world isn't ready? All of my talents would have been wasted. All of me would have been wasted. 

I constantly feel under pressure. It's like I have no worth except for what I achieve. 

I have concluded that I won't be able to make a difference unless I specialize in one topic and devote a big part of my life to it. 

I'm thinking right now that I should go into some kind of medical research. Few things have a long-term effect like research.

But then there's also philosophy. But karl marx probably also had good intentions and we all know how that turned out. (Bit narcissistic to think I could have that much of an impact. The higher I strive the more likely I might fail and waste my whole life)

But there's so many options. I care about all of them. 

A healthy conclusion might be that indivudal fates have a value that is big enough to give meaning to one's life. So all of the lives I touch through relationships are enough.