Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I had an appointment with my counselor on Wednesday. During the appointment I remembered some things about my past, things that happened to me. It felt like I was reliving it all over again. What I could remember, that is.
Funny things is, I've always wished for a reason. I've wanted to know why I feel the way I do, why I have the problems I do. I figured if I had a reason it wouldn't be as bad, at least then I'd understand everything a little more.
I don't want a reason anymore. I don't want to remember. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don't care anymore if I understand why I feel the way I do. I just want these thoughts, these memories, gone.
Does this make any sense? Maybe making sense of it isn't what I should be doing. I guess I just need to learn to live with the memories. But I don't want to. I don't think I can.
Funny things is, I've always wished for a reason. I've wanted to know why I feel the way I do, why I have the problems I do. I figured if I had a reason it wouldn't be as bad, at least then I'd understand everything a little more.
I don't want a reason anymore. I don't want to remember. I just want things to go back to the way they were. I don't care anymore if I understand why I feel the way I do. I just want these thoughts, these memories, gone.
Does this make any sense? Maybe making sense of it isn't what I should be doing. I guess I just need to learn to live with the memories. But I don't want to. I don't think I can.
Of course the actual events that happened can't be changed, but I find that in time my attitude towards those events changes. I find ways of forgiving myself and the person that hurt me. But it's a lot of work getting to that point.
I just want to let you know that it won't always hurt so much and you are on the right path towards healing.
It's for the best, though. Remember that. Best to get all that crap up and out of your subconscious before it affects your life any more.
Soon you'll start to work through these memories, and someday you'll be very glad that you did remember. I know it's hard, and you're probably not believing this right now. But it'll happen.
Whatever doesnt' kill us makes us stronger. Show yourself how much stronger you are than those memories.
Hugs
Maybe a lingering emptiness is the problem-! A lack of creativity, for how to fill it-! Don't know, but I want this day to be beautiful and wonderful.
For better or for worse, however, it seems that you may now be stuck with these memories whether you like it or not. It may simply not be an option to forget them again.
With that being a likely truth, you should ask your counselor what the best thing to do next is. Does he or she want to pursue these memories? I doubt that supressing the memories will be a high option on the counselor's list.
Hugs
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