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Relationship drama in history

ThatOne
ThatOne

I regret starting a new relationship just to get away from my abusive ex. I miss him and I wish we could have talked things out. The last time I tried was a month ago (via text) and he kept on saying stupid things so I had to dump him again. We both did mistakes. None of mine were illegal though. 


I don't think I'll ever want to meet him in person again because of the betrayal of trust and this I have known for half a year or so. So why would I want to talk to him? I still want him to see things my way. We could text and that's all but no.. no no no... He'd have to be an idiot again. This is just like that time he wanted to be just friends and then wouldn't stop talking about how we used to have sex or that time when we were dating. I had to dump him because my bf was not ok with this. I actually wasn't either but I probably would have tried to change him for a few more months before the inevitable end. 


It's hard to say if he's more asshole or more idiot sometimes. I'll say he's more asshole because 18 months ago he threatened to kill me and 20 months ago he threatened me with revenge porn. I told him I'd always considered becoming a nudist anyways and also I wouldn't recommend being violent to me or threatening me when I have 7 brothers and at least one of them has a history of violence. He took that as me threatening him but idk. I honestly just wanted to warn him because I know he's stupid and he might've actually fucked up his life. 


I hate all those fucking mind games. Maybe he knows somewhere deep inside that he is just not loveable and maybe he's right. 


It might be worth adding that I have a history of being extremely overcaring to people with depression. I'm just trying to retroactively save myself or my mom by saving them. I'm not sure which one, maybe both. It has manifested in my relationships but nowhere else. Maybe it's also the good old manipulation that keeps one in abusive relationships. The standard stuff. Low self-esteem and self-worth, the belief that only I feel this way and that our love would somehow be exceptional, him being abusive only shows how much he loves me and nobody else ever will. That stuff.

Ghostdancer
Ghostdancer
It’s only how you feel towards him that matters. Don’t try to make up his mind and just add up the score of the game till now. It doesn’t matter who’s ahead or what position they are currently playing only whether you care or not. Honestly I think you still have need for him underneath all you say that’s negative in the relationship but exactly what is that need. Is it that you need to manipulate him or is it a need to be manipulated. Name the game for what it is and either “game on”or the idea of changing the rules so no one has to win.
ThatOne
ThatOne
I think the death threats and any kind of abusive behavior still matters because there's no point in being close to someone who would do that to you. I'm relatively optimistic about the future but also.. to him I won't be talking again until the far far future.
ThatOne
ThatOne
And this all started with us sharing our traumatic experiences with each other and I felt understood for the first time because he went through something slightly similar. Now I wonder if all of that was made up. Either that or his trust issues got the better of him. It wouldn't matter because I will not have someone treat me that way.
sunnyface
sunnyface
This sounds like a challenging and somewhat hurtful relationship. I don’t believe anybody should be subjected to abuse and threats. Perhaps, taking a break from one another (texting included) would help you clear your thoughts. Sometimes some peace and quiet from what’s challenging us is just what we need to make good decisions. Engage with people that encourage and lift you. The company we keep can be a help or a hindrance. If you feel overwhelmed in your thoughts and emotions, there is always somebody in the medical profession that can help. I do wish you good results and happy days ahead.
ThatOne
ThatOne
I have just been thinking that it can be very hard for me to distinguish between how hurt I got and what is just my depression. Somehow I feel liberated now that we don't talk (or text) and I can get away from all the blame games.
I wish I could control his happiness but I couldn't either way. Tough loving depressed people.