sorry to hear you speak that way. but i do know how you feel. you need to get yourself some help for things to get better. i feel like dying everyday and i feel fear and gloom and i dont know how i go on but i do. i take meds and have ect treatments and stay around people. it's still hard but it's better than the alternative

I'm sorry you feel so bad. I feel awful too, but I have everything to lose. I'll bet if you really look closely at your life, you might see that you have everything to lose too. A pet? A parent? Siblings? Friends? A spouse or partner? A child? A friendly neighbor? A co-worker? And no one knows what the future holds. Every step you take changes the paths of everyone else in the world because of who you interact with, and the lives you change just by being in the world. Idk if I explained that well, I hope it makes sense.

It's ok to mentally give up for a little bit, stop searching for things to live for and let them reveal themselves to you. But don't step in front of a bus just yet, ok? Hang in there.

Hi - I'm not usually on this board, but I might as we'll be, since I've battled depression for some 40 years. Now before that statement drives you right off a cliff, let me say that I only started dealing with my core issues of sexual abuse 2 years ago, so I could not have hoped to heal from depression until now. Also, for much of the past 20 years I have been successfully medicated, i.e. not depressed.

Depression is a liar. It distorts everything and tells you all kinds of stuff that isn't true. When depression lifts, everything looks different, even though nothing has changed. That's how you know that depression has been lying to you. You cannot make a sane decision about life or your own value while you're in the grip of depression. You have to just know that you're being lied to and hang on by your fingernails until you're free. Kind of like in The Matrix, only instead of that normal-looking world you find yourself in hell, in the form of some vile creature. Or the world is normal, but you are a monster. It's all an illusion.

Depression is one of the most treatable illnesses, so if you can't take it anymore you can try meds. Finding the right ones can be very easy or it can be very hard. Different meds or combinations of meds work for different people, and they take weeks to get to a therapeutic level in your bloodstream. But one you're through that, you can live without carrying a ton of misery on your shoulders, so it's worth it.

Therapy is also crucial. It helps you learn to deconstruct the lies about yourself that you've come to believe and any self-defeating behaviors you've adopted to prove the lies. Ultimately, it can help you to touch and release the original sources of your pain, old wounds that remain unhealed, poisoning your system. But you have to be a little stable before you open up anything too heavy.

Donnawonda, That is just about the best response anyone could ever give. I agree with her.
Also their are natural herbs that can help change your perspective on things, 1 example is St. John's Wort. I have just started taking this.
I also found out that me being anemic increases the severity of my depression, which I never even connected to my depression. I am now taking an iron supplement.

Just sharing a little about me, hoping that this information might help you or someone else.
Cracked and Stumbling, yet still moving forward. Drew

St. John's Wort works for some people, which is great! But anyone taking it just be sure to tell all your docs because it interferes with a lot of meds of all different classes. It's just something to be mindful of.

I have hematomachrosis, I think thats how you spell it. I get blood drained every 3 months to get rid oftmy iron. I have no connection to my loving family. I don't really care who hurts anymore.

Bless your kind words though

I'm sorry your family is not there for you. I get the feeling they've hurt you a lot.