Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am so down and don't know how to pick myself up. I have many reasons to be depressed. This economy sux, Issues with my daughter and I can't be there for her because she lives so far away. This month marks my mom's 22nd year of her passing...and I am not over that yet. Some say get over it....it's been 22 years...move on. The point is, I can't. She and I were close. She died suddenly, while I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. Everytime I cried, someone would say....think about the baby. Then the baby came....Then my thoughts were diverted towards her.
The past 11 years we would go camping as a family, and my brother and sister-in-law would go too...it was a great time. But, sometimes when we would have drinks, my brother and I would start talking about our mom, our spouses would start telling us "stop talking about your mother, we are here for fun". Then the "camping rule" was "no talking about mothers". Neither spouse has lost anyone close to them. So, now I feel i can't talk about her at home, especially this time of year with her anniversary and the holidays. This time of year I feel her loss most.
I have no Holiday spirit. This was my mom's favorite time of year. I want to just stick my head in the sand till spring!
The past 11 years we would go camping as a family, and my brother and sister-in-law would go too...it was a great time. But, sometimes when we would have drinks, my brother and I would start talking about our mom, our spouses would start telling us "stop talking about your mother, we are here for fun". Then the "camping rule" was "no talking about mothers". Neither spouse has lost anyone close to them. So, now I feel i can't talk about her at home, especially this time of year with her anniversary and the holidays. This time of year I feel her loss most.
I have no Holiday spirit. This was my mom's favorite time of year. I want to just stick my head in the sand till spring!
On a more practical note, could you concentrate on making some new family traditions to move the emphasis away from sadness at this time of year? I know that's a big ask, and I've not managed to get my Mum to embrace anything new since her Mum passed away 25 years ago! The one thing we do together is hang tiny silver stars on the tree in her front garden in memory of those we have loved and lost.
You need to be able to talk about your Mother; she was a massive part of your life and your spose should be able to let you do that! Maybe you could think of some good memoories of this time of year and share them. Perhaps your husband thinks that by steering you away from memories of your Mother he's helping, but you need to tell him it does the opposite.
As a family we share memories of my Grandad, who died 7 years ago on December 23rd aged almost 93. His last Christmas with us we recall him pinching one of my sons' toy guns and firing foam hoops at unsuspecting people as they turned their backs on him with a wicked little grin on his face. We all end up laughing together as we remember the funny, sweet things he used to do, and it helps so much to do that.
Sorry I've gone on; I do feel for you.
I do go to counsiling. And she stated to bring mom into the holidays. You are right!! I have a facebook and I have mostly close friends and family as friends. Every day I will post a memory of her. It does help, for other members can comment and elaborate on their memories. I love the idea of placing a special ornament in honor of those lost.
Your also right about my grieving process. It was snuffed out. I get angry that she is gone. she was only 48 when she passed....her life was just beginning again. She already had 2 very young grand-daughters from my brother and they adored her. And she them. She looked forward to watching the birth of my daughter (she was born 4 weeks later). I looked forward to seeing my mom hold my baby. This is all we talked about on the phone. She couldn't wait. The night she died, I kept saying "she never saw my baby", I believe she did. During Labor I kept asking for her. Maybe by some devine intervention she would make an appearance. But I think she did in the form of a very loving nurse, that knew of my situation, and she stayed after her shift and was there for the birth.
Annie