Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
my brother and i have both been staying with my dad and my mom for the last (15 years for me, 10 for him) to take care of my mom, who was in terrible health... and we got paid a small amount for it... but being extremely frugal, it was enough to get by on... we couldnt really do anything fun, cause it costs money... but we survived
well, now shes gone... she passed away april 1st... and so is the income.
i had a little bit of money saved up to fix my truck with... its 20 years old and needs some parts replaced before they go completely and make the truck undrivable... but that means i also have to come up with money for gas and insurance...
and then theres the daily living expenses... for 2... because my brother just wont help!
hes able bodied, but doesnt drive... im trying to get on disability cause one of my arms is useless and causes me constant pain... and since my mom died, its all been put on me... i have to pay for everything...
ive already burned through the money i had saved for my truck... ive emptied my bank account a dozen times... ive turned in all my change, returnables, everything i can... the next step is to sell my truck and my computer i guess
i just cant keep doing this... and every time i have to come up with money i grump and groan and say, loud enough for him to hear, "i cant keep doing this, this is killing me"
and ive sat down with him a few times now and told him "i just cant keep doing this, its killing me"... but when it comes time to come up with money, he just sits there! the most he'll do is poke through the $5 or so of change hes got and pretend to try... but its never enough to make the slightest bit of difference, and he knows it
whatever i can scrape money together for, i have to share with him.
i knew this was coming... and i did something for myself... i got a small (20 gallon) fish tank going and got a few fish in it... ive spent maybe $30 on it... of course, he wont help at all with that, but whatever... its my tank, its my fish, and i dont think i really want his help anyway
if i hadnt spent that $30, it just means ida spent half of it on him anyway
i cant keep doing this!!! and theres no way out, unless i just say screw it and go live in the woods to get away from him... which im about to do.
sorry for rambling.
well, now shes gone... she passed away april 1st... and so is the income.
i had a little bit of money saved up to fix my truck with... its 20 years old and needs some parts replaced before they go completely and make the truck undrivable... but that means i also have to come up with money for gas and insurance...
and then theres the daily living expenses... for 2... because my brother just wont help!
hes able bodied, but doesnt drive... im trying to get on disability cause one of my arms is useless and causes me constant pain... and since my mom died, its all been put on me... i have to pay for everything...
ive already burned through the money i had saved for my truck... ive emptied my bank account a dozen times... ive turned in all my change, returnables, everything i can... the next step is to sell my truck and my computer i guess
i just cant keep doing this... and every time i have to come up with money i grump and groan and say, loud enough for him to hear, "i cant keep doing this, this is killing me"
and ive sat down with him a few times now and told him "i just cant keep doing this, its killing me"... but when it comes time to come up with money, he just sits there! the most he'll do is poke through the $5 or so of change hes got and pretend to try... but its never enough to make the slightest bit of difference, and he knows it
whatever i can scrape money together for, i have to share with him.
i knew this was coming... and i did something for myself... i got a small (20 gallon) fish tank going and got a few fish in it... ive spent maybe $30 on it... of course, he wont help at all with that, but whatever... its my tank, its my fish, and i dont think i really want his help anyway
if i hadnt spent that $30, it just means ida spent half of it on him anyway
i cant keep doing this!!! and theres no way out, unless i just say screw it and go live in the woods to get away from him... which im about to do.
sorry for rambling.
hes 47, almost 48... hes a lil guy... not afraid of physical work but not the best at it due to his size
i dont know about his mental state... hes a cancer survivor from back in the 80s where cancer treatments were just absolutely horrible... and remembers being in the hospital, tied to a bed, with tubes down his throat... changing his heartbeat to communicate with my dad... luckily, they didnt let me see that... i was 13 at the time and i think that would have scarred me for life... i cant imagine what its done to him
i think thats why he became a drunk (and worse)...
then when he was a truck driver, he was in a huge accident he wont talk about... all i know about it is he almost killed someone and i think it was his fault (hes a good driver, but we all make mistakes)... i know that hit him hard because its been 10 years and he still wont talk about it... and doesnt want to drive semi's anymore
and im sure all of those combined havent left him in the best of shape
honestly im just glad hes not drinking anymore... i seriously couldnt deal with a drunk in my life anymore...
whenever i do find work for the two of us, hes happy to come work... but really, he's the one that should be doing the work cause it kills me and my arm... but im the driver so we have to do it together and split the tiny bit of money there is
i dont think its a case of 'lazy'... i think its more a case of 'overwhelmed'... cause hes gotta get ID, hes gotta get a drivers liscense, hes gotta get a car, hes gotta do this and that and the other thing
you know, that feeling you get when theres just so much to do that you cant figure out where to start
I am so sorry he went thru that with having cancer. I hope that he is cancer free. Again...I am so deeply sorry about your Mom. I am so sorry for your loss.
ive been doing that 'get one thing done a day' thing for myself... not sure how much its helping, but its getting things done... slowly but surely
i dont know how to make him talk to someone... first id have to figure out how to get him there... i simply do not have the gas money to drive him (its about $20 a trip out there)
and thank you *hugs*
What does your Dad have to say about all this? Is he as frustrated as you are too?
FYI all the people that I know that filed for Disability used ALLSUP and they were approved. That is all that they do is disability cases and you do not get charged at all unless you are approved. So let me know what happens. You have nothing to lose by trying. But I would try using them. Good luck and feel free to message me anytime.
and im gonna look over that site tomorrow... but i might end up going with the lawyer number my case manager gave me
i know he has to do it himself, thats why i havent pushed too much... but i gotta keep reminding him how much this is killing me
its also true that if he got a job and i didnt, he'd be the one supporting me for a while... cause he'd share with me the way im sharing with him... theres no question about that (cause id just take it if he didnt! bwahaha n stuff!)
im planning to get up early on monday and call the lawyer and see what kinda job i can get, if any, while i wait for a disability claim
i still cant get an answer to this question tho...
if a lawyer gets paid x% of your first backpay check, what stops them from making it take as long as they can? if i get approved right away, they make a couple dollars... if it takes a year or more, they get 12x + that amount... so why wouldnt they make sure it fails the first few times?
i know, i know, they're lawyers, i should trust them!
*coughs*
Did you work a full time job for enough years to qualify to receive SSDI benefits?
The nice thing about ALLSUP is that all that they do. Read the website. You have nothing to lose.
I hope you Brother will figure this out and want to make his life better for himself. Focus on yourself for now and see what happens. Maybe if he started going to some AA meetings that would help him too and they have resources that can help him find a job. But he has to start someplace and he has to be willing to try.
but im willing to give the one the case worker suggested a try... shes all about getting people approved and i dont think she'd reccomend one blindly
the allsup site... is that disability lawyers? or is it a kit to do it yourself? if its lawyers, are the liscensed in michigan? (i can read it later but today isnt a good day for understanding legal things... not many days are good for that)
im also concerned about the dr's... i got in to see a specialist whos highly respected (cost me a TON) and all he did was shake his head at my injury... but that was 2 years ago... i might have to do it again... and i doubt he takes this craptastic insurance they forced on me... id almost rather ask my dad for the money if i gotta go through that again, just to make sure i got a dr that had a clue
or maybe not... maybe i want a dr whos all too willing to look and say 'yup, youre screwed' without even diving in too far... heh
ok no, i dont like being dishonest and i dont have to be anyway
my brother would never go to AA, and being sober for as long as he has, i think he'd just laugh at the idea anyway
theres a very strong "we dont need charity" vibe in my family... ive broken that, and i think i get looked down on for it... but i dont care... i need what i need and without it i just go downhill FAST
so im trying to look at that allsup site and it makes no sense to me.... i cant see where to even get started
i give up