Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
my brother and i have both been staying with my dad and my mom for the last (15 years for me, 10 for him) to take care of my mom, who was in terrible health... and we got paid a small amount for it... but being extremely frugal, it was enough to get by on... we couldnt really do anything fun, cause it costs money... but we survived
well, now shes gone... she passed away april 1st... and so is the income.
i had a little bit of money saved up to fix my truck with... its 20 years old and needs some parts replaced before they go completely and make the truck undrivable... but that means i also have to come up with money for gas and insurance...
and then theres the daily living expenses... for 2... because my brother just wont help!
hes able bodied, but doesnt drive... im trying to get on disability cause one of my arms is useless and causes me constant pain... and since my mom died, its all been put on me... i have to pay for everything...
ive already burned through the money i had saved for my truck... ive emptied my bank account a dozen times... ive turned in all my change, returnables, everything i can... the next step is to sell my truck and my computer i guess
i just cant keep doing this... and every time i have to come up with money i grump and groan and say, loud enough for him to hear, "i cant keep doing this, this is killing me"
and ive sat down with him a few times now and told him "i just cant keep doing this, its killing me"... but when it comes time to come up with money, he just sits there! the most he'll do is poke through the $5 or so of change hes got and pretend to try... but its never enough to make the slightest bit of difference, and he knows it
whatever i can scrape money together for, i have to share with him.
i knew this was coming... and i did something for myself... i got a small (20 gallon) fish tank going and got a few fish in it... ive spent maybe $30 on it... of course, he wont help at all with that, but whatever... its my tank, its my fish, and i dont think i really want his help anyway
if i hadnt spent that $30, it just means ida spent half of it on him anyway
i cant keep doing this!!! and theres no way out, unless i just say screw it and go live in the woods to get away from him... which im about to do.
sorry for rambling.
well, now shes gone... she passed away april 1st... and so is the income.
i had a little bit of money saved up to fix my truck with... its 20 years old and needs some parts replaced before they go completely and make the truck undrivable... but that means i also have to come up with money for gas and insurance...
and then theres the daily living expenses... for 2... because my brother just wont help!
hes able bodied, but doesnt drive... im trying to get on disability cause one of my arms is useless and causes me constant pain... and since my mom died, its all been put on me... i have to pay for everything...
ive already burned through the money i had saved for my truck... ive emptied my bank account a dozen times... ive turned in all my change, returnables, everything i can... the next step is to sell my truck and my computer i guess
i just cant keep doing this... and every time i have to come up with money i grump and groan and say, loud enough for him to hear, "i cant keep doing this, this is killing me"
and ive sat down with him a few times now and told him "i just cant keep doing this, its killing me"... but when it comes time to come up with money, he just sits there! the most he'll do is poke through the $5 or so of change hes got and pretend to try... but its never enough to make the slightest bit of difference, and he knows it
whatever i can scrape money together for, i have to share with him.
i knew this was coming... and i did something for myself... i got a small (20 gallon) fish tank going and got a few fish in it... ive spent maybe $30 on it... of course, he wont help at all with that, but whatever... its my tank, its my fish, and i dont think i really want his help anyway
if i hadnt spent that $30, it just means ida spent half of it on him anyway
i cant keep doing this!!! and theres no way out, unless i just say screw it and go live in the woods to get away from him... which im about to do.
sorry for rambling.
If he is healthy and he can work then why doesn't he get a job?
I don't understand.
I don't blame you for being frustrated.
to be fair to him... he does all the dishes, cooks most of the food, cuts the lawn, shovels the snow, and helps my dad with anything that takes 2 hands (cause my dad's got a bad arm too)
he actually does more physical work around the house than i do (i do the vacuuming and dusting and general cleaning, as much as i can... and im the tech support for the whole house... 9 computers for 3 people... isnt that silly? plus all the other devices in the house)
but, none of that generates any money
and i cant cut him off... i cant sit there and go "haha i got a mt dew to drink and you dont!"... its just not part of who i am...
he's talked about getting his truck driving job back but thats gonna cost a few hundred dollars... he was saving up for it when my mom died, and that money is gone too (went in about a week cause he needed clothes for the memorial service)
i just dont know what to do...
im about to go out and empty my bank account and spent the last of my change and turn in the last of my pop bottles... and i have no idea where next weeks money is gonna come from... i really dont think its going to come from anywhere
im going to see my mechanic tonight and im gonna tell him if anyone wants to buy a truck, mines for sale... i have no other options.
Family can be one of the hardest things to deal with and I wish I could tell you what the right thing to do is but, I still haven't managed to fix my own problem. So I guess we'll work on it together.
It sounds to me that physically your Brother is very capable of working.
It is nice that he is so helpful and does all those things around the house but he still should go and get a job. If he has a mental health issue is he on an anti-depressants? That is great that he has been sober for 15 years but he should get some kind of paying job. There are many things out there and even if he did something temporarily to help out to bring in some kind of income that would be great.
When is the last time he actually worked and had a paying job?
How old is he? What does your Father say about it?
I hope that everything will be okay. He is very fortunate that he is healthy physically. If there is a reason that he cannot work due to a mental health issue then that is a different story. Do you think that is the reason? There are a lot of resources out there and hopefully he will reach out for help.
while my mom was very understanding that we were both giving up chances at fulfilling lives for ourselves in order to make her life livable, my dad is a pretty grumpy kinda guy... its very very difficult to ask him for help... but when i have to, i do, and he might grump about it, but he'll do what he can
a couple weeks ago when i walkd 12 miles to get my prescriptions because i was out of gas and money, he handed me $100... but next week im gonna have to ask him for gas again to get out to a dr appt... it only costs me $25 or so in gas but i generally wait till im on empty and fill it up, which is $75-ish (probably more now that gas prices are getting over inflated even more)... he knows about it, im not stealing from him
but i cant even get my brother to put mt dew on the shopping list that my dad goes and pays for
*sigh*
monday morning im planning to call a lawyer about disability and im gonna tell him that im desperate for living money right this second, and see what hes got to say... if he thinks he can get me anything from the state, then great... but i dont have the capacity to look it up and fill out the forms... if he doesnt think he can get me anything from the state right away im going to ask him what kinda job, if any, i can get untill the disability comes in... i have no idea what i can do... one handed... but i have to do something
and i guess when i do i'll be spending half my money on my brother again
the only realistic way i can cut him off is if i move out... which ive thought a lot about doing... but first i need a place to go... or a nice quiet corner of the woods
I think it is great that he is able to make some money. But it would just be even better if it was consistent and it was a real job and he would get paid and have some benefits too. Also regarding you and filing for disability I have heard a lot of good things about ALLSUP. That is all that they do is file for people to get them SSDI and you only pay if you win the case in the end.
Here is their link. Good luck to you.
https://www.allsupinc.com/
when i can find us some extra work, i drag him along with me... its been mostly helping another friend with his new property... which is extremely painful for me, but, the friend is aware of that and gives me the light duty jobs.... unforunately, it doesnt pay very much... and since i have to pay for the gas, thats usually all i get out of the deal, is a little bit of gas
thank you for the link... my case manager gave me a number to call for a lawyer near here, she says thats the one they direct people to... but im going to read that site you gave me anyway, more info is always better, i think
and since im ranting anyway...
my whole skeleton hurts lately... all the large bones... legs, arms, shoulder blades, skull... i dunno what it is but its getting worse :(
Is he that lazy? I am not trying to be mean but seriously enough is enough. He is physically healthy and he needs to get a JOB!
This will continue forever as long as everyone just keeps enabling him. A lot of times we have to give a little bit of tough love in order to make a point in life. I am sure there is something that he can do to make some money each week thru a legal paycheck. Is he being lazy or is he not mentally stable?
its about a mile walk to the main road... then a longer walk to anywhere thats hiring... and this is michigan, so it can be a very, very long walk to anywhere thats hiring
of course ive offered to drive him or let him use my truck if he gets a job but he doesnt have a license and i know he'd end up walking anyway... he once had a job 6 miles from here and preffered to walk to it
plus, our mom just died...
i dunno... yes, of course, he and i both need to find some work (seriously doubt i can tho)... but im trying to have some compassion here... i know im pretty messed up still from my mom dying, im sure he is too
i dunno why i come in here, bitching up a storm about him, and then defend him... but i guess thats just the way it is, heh
thanks for all the replies
What the heck? Who would even think about being homosexual with their Brother and where did that come from? What is that all about?
Who said that and why? Yikes!
I am not dismissing your feelings and I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your Mom. People still work and have losses and continue to function in life. It is not easy but it is important otherwise we get stuck and don't move forward with life. I am sure your Mom would want the both of you to be okay. Right?
If people stop functioning every time something bad happens then nobody would function in the world. I think that working would probably be helpful mentally and emotionally for the both of you. Maybe you can do some kind of work that is not physical and your Brother since he is so healthy physically can do something that is more physical. It just seems that he is being very lazy and has become quite comfortable with the way things are. So that makes me wonder if he is mentally stable. Is he? Because if someone is okay emotionally they would want to work and be productive and make money and be independent. How old is he?