Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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(Ramble) Effort and Confusion

OllieTree
OllieTree

Yesterday, I was being exceptionally depressing. My wonderful friend was telling me that I have to be more open and forgiving of myself, and I told him straight out what I thought of myself. Why did I do that? I wanted him to understand where I was. I felt as if I couldn’t be the magical steadily improving happy person he wanted. 


I asked him what he was thinking. He said that he was wondering if I really did want to get better/stronger, or if I was just saying that. He said he really wanted to help me but it’s hard if I’m not trying hard myself. He ended with something like but maybe you are trying and I just haven’t noticed? 


God, it feels like I’ve been trying so hard. Is  what I’m doing now still slothful? But I don’t mention things to him regarding my mental health unless I need to rant. I notice little improvements all the time, and I push myself to try a little harder all the time. I’ve found lately that my creativity is blossoming again, I’m a little less scared of the future, of what my mental health might bring. It seems like every thought I have is some result or geared around or towards my mental health (and I’ve just realized this! it feels like a weight is being lifted off my head). Hmm...


Well, I guess it’s just confusing what in the hell I’m meant to do a lot of the time. If I’m feeling bad but not particularily terrible should I tell someone? I want to be stronger, and I know there are some things that scare me at first but are manageable if I give them time and effort. Other times I know I’m in for another terribly uncurable day and should I really be telling people about that? I know it’ll just make them feel bad, probably sadder too. 


But yeah, I have regained some hope as of late and I am trying, I really am. But this friend’s presence confuses me, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do around him. He has been very supportive, caring, and considerate, and I don’t know how to deal with that...! That’s such a strange problem to have. 


I am trying...! It feels like I am trying so, so hard. Maybe that’s just me fooling myself, reassuring myself, hiding something. Right now, there’s a bout of hopelessness and it feels like there’s really not more I can do. But there is! There is! 


Oh, what am I saying. I’m saying all this like an attack on myself. So what? I just have to do the best I can, stop cutting corners if I am... and try to figure things out. Maybe with help? Should I be doing this with help? 

SuperTrooper31
SuperTrooper31
Hi I’m new to this thing too. Your story is similar to mine. I have been through a traumatic experience and it is hard when you don’t have support. Especially from friends and family. I get sad about trying my best because my supposed support says they only see me doing the same thing over and over but they don’t seem to see me trying hard everyday. Ironically enough I’m not looking for their advice on what to do about the situations I’m dealing with. I’m looking to this individual my friend to assure me that even though things may still be rocky I’m on the right track. I don’t get that. Yet I need someone or anyone in that case to look at me as I am on a most recent day and just you are an active work in progress or even let me know I got this no matter what. It makes you feel alone like you are being ridiculed for your past mistakes and although you’re past it.... people don’t let the old you die. You stop knowing who you can really confide in or trust with your thoughts and feelings and then we get stuck in a cell with unstable emotions about what we are going through. I’m sad right now and it’s not because of my situation it’s because of how people make me feel about it and or my choices and still comparing them with previous issues I’ve dealt with. When you doing the best you can you don’t need outsiders kicking you back down. We have to learn to let some feelings go and be confident in our choices but that takes a lot of practice and patience for emotionally unbalanced creations like us. That’s why I’ve come here to find people who actually do understand at least a little about what we are still trying to figure out ourselves. Nice to have met someone who can relate. Happy Holidays..
RJW
RJW
Thank you for sharing. No shame in getting help. Maybe start with a Counselor and see what they say, if a Doctor or medication might help. Many that are even closest to us don't understand what depression really is. They think it is just being sad, and it can be shrugged off with a little effort. They don't know how fortunate they are. It would be wrong in thinking they should understand, just as it is wrong of them to not be understanding. We go at our own pace, while carrying a boulder on our shoulders. We don't take things for granted that one without depression does, because it is easy for them. Shame and attacking yourself is just lies, because you haven't done anything wrong. I hope this was of some help. God Bless.