Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
OK, outside of this forum, I've had no contact with other people with depression, dysthymia and depression-related disorders. Yes, I've read many books and have experiences from therpay sessions, etc. I was watching TV last night when I came upon a program called, "The Pain of Depression-A Journey Through the Darkness." (http://www.painofdepression.org/theater.html) Most of the people at the end of the program discussed how treatment helped them return to they were before depression. I think that's what bothered me. Most of the people in the program developed depression later in their lives, maybe in the 30 or 50, or due to pregnancy.
I've had dysthymic and schizoid personality disorders since I was 15 years old. So, that's my only reference of "who I was," and I haven't a clue who I would/could have been. It's probably why when I was receiving treatment, the therapsit was searching for something that wasn't there. When asked why I don't get therapy (aside from having no insurance), I say for me it would be the equivalent of a blind person regaining his sight. You don't just through out into the world. He has to learn what a tree looks like, what colors are, maybe how to read. If, by some miracle, I did find a way to lessen my depression, I'd need someone to help me learn the "colors." Unfortunately, one has a diffuclt time finding treatment such as that, especially when society thinks a few hourly sessions and a few pills makes everything ok.
I've had dysthymic and schizoid personality disorders since I was 15 years old. So, that's my only reference of "who I was," and I haven't a clue who I would/could have been. It's probably why when I was receiving treatment, the therapsit was searching for something that wasn't there. When asked why I don't get therapy (aside from having no insurance), I say for me it would be the equivalent of a blind person regaining his sight. You don't just through out into the world. He has to learn what a tree looks like, what colors are, maybe how to read. If, by some miracle, I did find a way to lessen my depression, I'd need someone to help me learn the "colors." Unfortunately, one has a diffuclt time finding treatment such as that, especially when society thinks a few hourly sessions and a few pills makes everything ok.
I think that what helps me carry forward is the idea that everyone has a true self that they have never met while the self that they know is just an illusion they've created for themselves, and so I don't feel like I am only looking to cover the depression up with a facade, but rather I am trying to remove the facade and find the real me. The real me is not depressed. The real me is capable of loving and being loved. The real me is not a smoker. The real me is not broken.
The real me really exists, right now. He is not someone I have to create, but rather someone I have to discover. And he wants to come out and be known, but the false me is scared of what might happen if the real me comes out. The false me wants to protect the real me from getting hurt, because he knows first hand what it's like to be hurt. The false me thinks that it is much smarter than the real me, and should therefore be in control.
I think I had a direction in this when I started, but now I've sort of lost track of where I was going. Point being, you need to trust that you're true self can take it if you just let it out. Just because you've never met it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.
Therapy for some personality disorders involves learning how to cope with the day to day aspects of it in a practical way. Some of the borderlines here can tell you more about that.
Having a personality disorder does not mean you can't be helped with medication.
It is frustrating with the way people are only allowed a few therapy session.
The TV program and the public perception of depression is that the person is "normal" and then gets depression as one gets the flu or cancer. All that is needed for that person to get treated and he'll be back to who he was and go on with his life. The difference between him and me is that it hit me at a much younger age and didn't go away
As some illnesses can stunt a person physical growth, one could say this stunted my mental and emotional growth. I may have grown in knowledge and supposedly have great insight, but I can't process it or apply it. I remain the same shy, but self-centered and some say arrogant person regardless of any attempts I try to change. If I were to guess, I'd say I was either late teens or early 20s in emotional development. A therapist may not perceive this or deny it when proposed (as was in my case) and assume I had the usual development until I hit the bump in the road known as depression. Unfortunately, the problem is with the car's engine and not just the suspension. yet, society thinks it can be fixed in a Dr. Phil episode, afew sessions (It took a social workers 4 hours to get my insurance to give me more than 5) a couple of pills and an art class. Also, it doesn't help that the cause of our problem really isn't known. A change of oil isn't going to fix the engine when it's the idle control or talking to the car when it's the starter.
I have had depression from early childhood and always knew I was different from everyone else. I just worked on the me that I wanted me to be. I still have alot of work to do and I get depressed very often. I just find ways now to get myself out of it. I will never know what normal is or do I care to know. Its not me and it doesnt bother me all that much anymore.