Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't mean driving a car. I've read that people with depression have a low sex drive. I've mostly kept mine under control to where I've fallen asleep in in a strip club. It sort of helps that I don't find revealing clothing attractive and think being able to cook a pot roast I can actually taste (habanero peppers might as well be bell peppers, actually happened) is more of a plus. There are certain women (Rose McGowan comes to mind as she's on the telly right now and Kari Byron from Mythbusters since for some reason I'm fond of redheads) and features (eyes and legs) I do find attractive, darn biology, but I try to push that aside.
However, when I'm suffering from double depression, my mind decides to unload. As if to relieve stress by any means possible, my control over sexual thoughts lessens. I find myself looking here and there. I find myself more anxious, so to speak. Unfortunately, my mind's efforts are for naught because when my depression lessens, I feel guilty for these thoughts. It's even worse if I find out a particular woman is married. Maybe it's fortunate that life isn't like the movies since I'm a 30+ year old virgin. Honestly, since I'll never marry I just wish I could box this thing, drop it into the ocean and drop a couple of depth charges on it. I can't feel happiness, but I'm stuck with this useless thing.
However, when I'm suffering from double depression, my mind decides to unload. As if to relieve stress by any means possible, my control over sexual thoughts lessens. I find myself looking here and there. I find myself more anxious, so to speak. Unfortunately, my mind's efforts are for naught because when my depression lessens, I feel guilty for these thoughts. It's even worse if I find out a particular woman is married. Maybe it's fortunate that life isn't like the movies since I'm a 30+ year old virgin. Honestly, since I'll never marry I just wish I could box this thing, drop it into the ocean and drop a couple of depth charges on it. I can't feel happiness, but I'm stuck with this useless thing.
As far as the depression/sexual energy connection, that is true for me as well. The worse I feel emotionally, the more sexual I feel. I have pretty much had to choose between being miserable but sexy, or happy and, well, nearly abstinent...
I'm sure there's an explanation for why that happens.
I've been called a coward for this. I don't have the courage to love, to risk my heart. It's akin to accusing a blind person of being afraid to see. Society seems to base love on emotion and many people unfortunately agree with that. I'm just not capable of those emotions.
One conversation I had on this subject was with an Indian acquaintance. After telling him this, he wondered if I wouldn't be "happy" with an arranged marriage. I'd be married without any previous emotional attachment and be loyal to my wife because she was my wife. As it is, I'm loyal to people based on what they've done for me or experiences can benefit both of us, not any enjoyment I supposedly gain from their presence. Loyalty is being using rather broadly here, but I hope you understand what I mean. I told him it probably wouldn't work as there would be cildren and I wouldn't want them to have a father who wasn't capable of emotionally loving them but only cared for them because they happened to be his children.
So back to the point. Yes, I may have sexual thoughts, but I really don't want them. They serve no pupose for me other than to give me pleasure I don't want. I was and am judged on my appearance and speech, I don't like doing the same.