Hello. Its hard if there are many things and issues going on.

It’s a very hard thing to do!

When you wake up say Good Morning, (your name)
When you go to bed say Good night and your name.
Push yourself out of bed and say what am I going to do today? Underline and highlight that I!
It’s all about you now! You’re all that matters, and that doesn’t have to be a bad thing!
Good luck!

Remember in life you are truly only responsible for YOU!! Care for yourself completely and that’s the best place to start.

I’m trying to learn the same thing.
These last 3 years have been tough. I felt that if I sacrificed putting myself first that my wife would fall in love with me again....not the case.
I’m now forced to put myself and our kids first. She is moving out this weekend.... I am thinking of starting a list of tasks/sports/events to fill the void of putting my wife first...
all the best to you.

I too am asking myself the same question. Im beginning to move in the right direction though I reckon. Just do what your gut tells you, best of luck, take care x

Like everyone else said, it's hard. Especially if it's slowly crept up on you that who you've become is the person that everyone else relies on. I've been there for the past few years; I put my family before myself in pretty much everything and I lost me. I put raising my brother's child before anything because he needed me and I love him as though he's my own.

But that's the point. He's not my own. I don't have any kids. I don't know if I want any kids, but I'm never going to figure it out if I spend my life raising my brother's kid.

When it becomes your core responsibility to "be there for everyone else," not only do they start taking you for granted and just expect you to be the person they ALWAYS lean on and ask for help (as is the case with me, and I'm slowly, gently trying to extract myself from the situation), but it's also really easy to lose yourself and your goals in it.

A good friend of mine always says to simply embrace selfishness as something that is no longer a dirty word.

Learn to say no.

Learn to stand up for yourself, don't become a doormat, even if people get angry at you for not doing what they expect you to do.

Start setting goals that will enrich your OWN life, and stick with meeting them, even if it takes you a while to get where you want to be.

I love my nephew and I love spending time with him. I love my brother and I want to be there for him when he needs me.

But I'm getting to the point where I'm comfortable saying, "I can't, because I have something else I need to do."

I'll be there for them when I can. But as I told said good friend just yesterday, the window of "when I can" is just going to be smaller nowadays.

Your responsibility is to give yourself all the opportunities, creativity, beauty, connection, and patience that you give others.

I hope this helps. If not, keep trying new things, keep working on doing things only for yourself. Even if you have to start small, like taking an hour out of your day for a private walk.

That’s difficult for me, especially with such a caregivers heart. As a mom and daughter specifically it’s hard. I also spent most of my career in hospitality and I think for me it’s hard to turn off those qualities at home and in my other relationships. Growing up hearin God first, other’s second and being taught at church to be others centered only adds to the confusion.

@celticnoel i dont know the first thing about following my gut... i tend to follow my heart and my emotions- which havent always worked out for me lol

@rosecandy and @MammaBear02 i find putting mysef first because i really do enjoy doing things for others and being there for people- granted i have made the little change that now im selective towards who I go all out for... but even then its becoming detreimental to my mental health because my thinking is "oh if im there for them and constantly help them and do what they want, they wont have a reason to leave me or not love me (i was adopted so i have abandonment and trust issues i guess you can say)"
But Im slowly learning thats not the case... that no matter what its going to be myself who is never going to leave me, so i need to start doing what I want... and ive been trying but a new issue has come up... whenever i think of something to do i shy away from it because i dont want to be alone doing it or do it by myself... my codependency is holding me back i feel like....
im just really confused and i keep asking the questions "what makes ME happy?" "what do I WANT in life?" but i cant seem to come up with answers and if i do, they seem fake...

'He who would come first must put himself last and be a servant to many.' Be a servant but not a doormat.

I often wish I could move away and be a dif person, the person I wish I was, or could be if I wasn't being held back by attachments to other people. I have to be the person who never changes in their eyes and never does anything. I have to be quiet beat down and abused or get guilt tripped and name called. Maybe you should run away or find someplace to be yourself and be accepted. Make some space for yourself.

It is a balance between being kind to yourself and not being 'selfish'.

It really cannot be precisely defined. It is bad to be TOTALLY one or the other. Very bad.

To put it simply, it is a 'reasonable' balance of both.