Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I got out of an abusive relationship that was also my first relationship. I think about him every day and it's like I want him to fill this hole inside of me but I know that the relationship is too broken to ever be repaired. I can't fix the relationship in the same way that I can't fix him. The experience that I had is not easily relatable for people who've never gone through it and I often feel alone in it.
I do feel like I'm moving in the right direction but also I haven't let go yet. I'm still scared one day he'll pop up in my life again and I won't be prepared. Somehow I want to prepare myself and so I don't stop thinking about him even though it's torture. I miss him but also I find the way that I ended things very satisfactory and I did get a greater sense of closure from it.
I know how bad he is. It just doesn't help. All of the experiences I had that I thought were real were not real. I thought it was love but it was just me being used by someone who saw that I was in a weak spot....
There's things that people say about your first love. That it's so special and possibly the greatest of all. That a lot of people also may never fully get over theirs.
It's just so fucked up.
Break ups usually leave a hurtful residue and only when we tell someone else about the details do we begin to see the person for who they really are and also some unknown truths about ourselves. My first love was physically abusive and I thought that was apart of "loving" someone. I cried when I left him, knowing it was finally time, and he became even more possessive. I loved him but was also afraid of him...that was not love, as I learned later. I'm glad you are safe and I'm glad that you have support here. I hope you have a close friend to share the mixed emotions with because the journey is still ongoing and the heartfelt emotions are real. During this season you will uncover some stuff about yourself and you will grow strong and more confident. With that strength and confidence, you'll have a healthier partner in the future. You are a valued human being and you are worthy of a love that does not involve abuse!
And congratulations on leaving a bad thing!!!