Today is ok i guess- nothing traumatic happened for me- for once i actually kept my mouth shut and listened and was able to give one of my best friends some much needed support ... don't know why but feel so drained... i'm tired and hungry all day today and if my boobs don't stop hurting i'm going to cut them off !!!!! ahhhhhhhhh! its not like its horrible pain- they just feel sore and bruised and there arent any bruises- i wonder if it could be caused by the size of them? hmmm just thinking about things here... i should really go to the doctor but i'm worried about what i will get told- maybe i'm dying and i'd just rather not know... today is my sister's bday and i'm cleaning the house as my gift to her .... really wish i had some chocolate covered pretzels and an oreo cookie shake- mmmmm told ya really hungry today- lol ....... still waiting for someone to call me about an interview- please people i'm dying here working from home i want to go out and be at a store or a restuarant or office- something and somewhere ! ahhhhh i'm going stir crazy ! anyways i guess thats about all going on with me today ... gonna go try to get in a nap before i have to get up and clean ..... later gators.! well i lied tragic event- my best guy friend just called to tell me that he bought his girl and diamond and is proposing on valentine's day :) seems like i should be happy for them and i am, but also i feel alittle mad and jealous- cause i had him first and he said i was the only woman he ever really loved- but he can't be with me cause he didn't want to hurt me- what a bunch of bullshit that is ! am i right to feel hurt that he took her to what was supposed to be all of our special places , and made love to her in the same spots we made love ! :( my life officially sucks now ! there goes a great guy who i let slip through my fingers- yes i am jealous- mainly because she stole him from me and i wanted him so badly- but i let him go so he could be happy- why am i always letting people go so they can be happy ? just once i'd like someone to be worried about me leaving and not let me go ! but that won't happen cause i'm depressed, fat and ugly ! and the thing is - she's fat and ugly and clingy and depressed ! i just feel bitter and worthless ..... thinking of eating chocolate and getting fatter .... then again i don't want to ..... F it ! life sucks ! And i feel bad for having these thoughts ............. happy friggin Feburary to me !