Taking responsibility for ourselves is a very wise thing to do. Thing is .. there are many who are victims and suffer from the behavior of others.

However .. I agree with you .. entirely.

I agree whole heartedly WanderingVet!! and just to be clear I in NO way mean everyone here's issues stem from the same flawed thinking as my own. I just hope if anyone here is similar to me in this way this post might help them. I've done a great deal of self reflection recently and wanted to share what I've learned.

Thanks for eliciting this clarification - the last thing I want to do is cause damage to anyone's self-worth or healing process.

I have just started to take control of my life. It is refreshingly invigorating
xxx

It sure as Hell is ain't it Scared!!! Happy for you :)

Blooming difficult though!!!
Hoping that all this self realisation will be worth it
It was nice today when I met a friend for lunch and she said I am handling things much better and seem much less stressed :)

What are those sentences for you, Scared?

For me, right now they are:

"next week I'll quit drinking alone"
"next week I'll quit smoking"
"next week I'll quit being such a lazy asshole"
"next week I'll start going to the gym"

and

"it's the kids who used to bully me's fault I'm such a wreck".
"it's my shitty roommate who stole my best friend from me's fault"
"it's the world's pressure to be someone special's fault"
....

recently i have come to be aware of how much i live in the past or future, but constantly miss out on living in the moment. Looking in the past for self recognition, or seeking acceptance from past accomplishments has robbed me of present success stories. Also, living in the future where i can constantly put things off until tomorrow, I realized there never is a tomorrow. There is only today, tomorrow will never come, yesterday is behind you. You can never go back, you can never jump forward. you are either learning or succeeding.

Sometimes we just need to take things one day at a time and when you keep telling yourself "Next week i'll..." it takes away from that.

This is a great point. So often we throw the blame elsewhere instead of turning the mirror on ourselves. It's a very painful, but very powerful thing to do. Once you begin to examine you're own motivations suddenly you don't see yourself in the light of a victim. But you realize that YOU are in control of you - no one else is. And living in the past or future is futile - just like controlling others actions - we, or at least I, am constantly seeking that security, that ground to stand on, blaming others or others' actions makes an easy scapegoat.

It's an incredibly frightening thing to face. But for me at least, fear has been the root of many of my insecurities. And turning that reflection inward has been quite revealing.

And I wouldn't necessarily call this flawed thinking. I think everyone does it to an extent. We all seek some security and validation from others - for some us it becomes a means of escaping from ourselves. For me, life is too short to continue to live like this. I'm working on living in the moment as much as I can. It doesn't always keep the depression at bay, but it I'm much better at managing now without falling into an abyss of despair and hopelessness.

There was a Buddha quote I read the other day that goes something like this - a man tells the Buddha, "I want happiness." The Buddha replies, "Remove the "I" - this is ego. Remove the "want" - this is desire. All that is left is "happiness".

I really needed this reminder today.

Thank you!

These two issues can never be stated too many times! Thanks for the excellent reminders.

I've allowed for my depression and anxiety to alienate me over the past several years. More accurately, maybe, I've allowed it to allow me to alienate myself. So basically I have no friends to talk to and I have a lot of resentment towards much of my immediate family, who are pretty much the only people I see on a regular basis.

My point is I don't always know if/when I am taking ownership of my problems or just berating myself unnecessarily. I don't know when I am being too hard on other people for their role in some of my misery, or when I'm letting them off too easy. I have no one to give me perspective on that.

When I was younger I think I blamed myself almost exclusively, then later I think I started blaming other people too much. I can't hide from the fact I'm a big part of my problems, but I'm not going to completely absolve other people for what they might do to hurt me.

I agree that a person needs to take responsibility, practice self awareness and and be courageous to get better, hopefully that is why I am here.

Just being aware puts you in that position to get better. You have the power to examine those emotions and determine their cause. And then you have to dig down to determine the cause's cause. The deeper you go, the more profound the experience as you begin to realize your learned behaviors and reactions. Then you get to decide what to do about it. Don't feel strong enough to tackle that one today? That's cool - put it on a shelf for tomorrow, or next week - but at least you've done the introspective soul searching that revealed to you the true nature of the sadness or the anxiousness.

Also keep in mind that this is biological and physiological warfare with yourself. Some of the depression or anxiety may stay with you forever, but coping and surviving with it, conquering it one day at a time is the goal. Tomorrow you may fall victim to a horrible bout, stay in bed all day. That's fine - but the next day? Try again. As you continue to wrangle with the beast it will begin to subdue. You'll find yourself being calm with it. It's temper-tantrums recede. You'll notice more time goes by before a relapse. That is surviving on your terms. You can do it. Be mindful everyday, and keep those expectations in check (because we all know how depression and anxiety effect views of your own self-worth and your abilities - always looking for too much or too little). Keep your chin up - fight the fear and press on :)

((hugs))

I've realized that most of my problems stem from the word (negative). (for too many years.) and it's my own fault for letting others not let me be exactly who I am. Yes, I want to be well and not be depressed, I know how wonderful it feels but it is up to me and me only, to change all the negatives that I allow to seep into my life and ruin it. Including and most importantly, the devil. I am responsible for ME

Texassublime - you bring up a very important point ... there is a very fine line between taking ownership of ourselves and blaming and beating ourselves up. It is NEVER healthy to think of yourself as a bad or inadequate person, but it is equally unhealthy to fail to recognize where and how we can improve our own attitudes and recognize when we have been hurting ourselves.