All i can say is confer with a mental health professional. Seems urgent to me.

WanderingVet is right. Please see a mental health professional if you feel as though you're going insane. It sounds like you're struggling when things are peaceful or have slowed down. I can only suggest looking online for alternatives for cutting. I played video games even though I kept losing all of the time. Please keep yourself safe

You are goofy.

You are young and full of ideas but none of them are good. Go outside. Put down the phones and computers for a bit. Do something to be nice to the folks who take care of you. Turn off your young silly stuff for a bit. You will get older and have ways to enjoy life. you are young and stuck and want to do things that you cannot do right now due to your age and not being able to support yourself and not being smart. Relax a bit. Try not to trouble the folks who take care of you so much. I can imagine the hell they are going through dealing with you.

You say you miss the pain because it's what you are used to and happiness feels weird and foreign... What if happiness could become the new "normal"? What if bad days were just that, and pain is what felt weird? Not all change is bad, and I'd say being happy is a pretty good one. It might take a while to get used to it, but that time is the only thing that stands between you and a different view of what is "normal".

Thank you pharrah and those who said professional help.

I know what you mean.. i feel the same with my anxiety. It gives me intrusive thoughts and never goes away. I just want to throw everything away and live in the woods relying on myself but i dont know how that works... there must be an other way than just going to school/work and do the same shit every weekend...

Peace is a gift. Don't throw it away. You may not be used to it, however it is not something you should take likely when you have it. This can become your new norm if you learn how to accept it. You don't have to handle things alone. If you need to get help, don't be afraid to reach out to others (pastors, teachers, family, counselors, etc.) people you trust. Peace doesn't mean trouble free. Peace has seemed to slip through my fingers lately however I'm trying hard to hold on to it. I went to church today (hadn't been in about a month due to travels), and the message today was about healing. Healing not just in the physical body but in mind, body, and spirit. The peace you experience recently, I pray you can experience it in your mind, body, and spirit. Good luck!

Not sure what the trouble is? You need something to do, and it needs to be something positive and not desrructive. You are in need of someone to keep you in line so you dont cause troubles for the folks that take care of you.

When I was a teenager, I wasn't sure who I was either. Your view of yourself may change many times before your life is over. My kids experienced the same situation. You are not a child anymore, but you"re not an adult either. This puts you in a precarious place. You need more experience in life to see all of your options. What is causing the peace and happiness?

Ive been going to counseling, and im in the system and my caseworker wants to emancipate me at age 17 which is late august .so im worried about that now

i know i am most anxious when things start to go well because i begin to anticipate that it will all start to fall apart. the reality is, that it may. you're work is to get to a place where you are okay with that thought. enjoy what you have - the balance will likely begin to shift in your favor if you are receptive to positive energy in your life. i know how excruciating that can feel, but you gotta push through it and get to the other side. when you start, you will begin to get challenged - ALOT. keep going. you will be okay. it is really difficult to change your energetic vibration (that's how you attract/interpret what is coming in your life) when you have been chronically depressed for a long time. stick with your therapy and this support group. that will help.

So. After a long time im finally doing awesome! My cousin is going to let me live with her and her family!!! Im so happy

When I finally, finally, finally cut free from the pain that my family fed to me...that's how I felt.

I didn't know who I was without the pain, I "missed it" and wanted it back.

All I can say is...it takes time.

I started by allowing myself to feel good just 5 minutes at a time. Then allowed myself back into the pain (which I didn't quite feel...all I can say is that it was complicated.)

Surround yourself with people who will accept you as you are. That's the Start. Then work to create a few close friends. Friends are hard because, unlike family, they come and go. Unfortunately, many of us weren't gifted with decent family.

I've read a bit about your background, and I'm beyond sorry that your grandmother is such a bitter and angry person. It's NOT "you"...it's totally her. Sometimes people look nice from the outside and are rotten inside.

Hugs, Patti