Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I'm not hoping for judgement here but for support and encouragement in this area.
It's been five years since my ex and I split up. In the more recent year/s I have come to the belief that this was more due to my depression, that hit me hard the year of the break up and I was not coping - making a lot of foolish choices which I since regret. One of them was the break up, and letting go of who I believe was my 'soul mate'. Thing is I can even remember him trying to tell me to get help cos I was depressed. I did but it took a while to get better, and now I'm coming out of it I find myself in a different place in life - including being married to a man who may not be my soul mate in contrast to my past lover.
Perhaps though we have more than one? or I am comparing too much!
I really miss him. I haven't contacted him, nor do I plan to because I am married now - only my marriage was terrible to the point of near divorce in the first year because he treated me like a house/chores queen while I worked full time. It has improved this year a lot, but is still very difficult at times as I never recieve the kind of love and genuine gentleness my ex gave me.
My struggle with depression here is trying to allow God to meet my needs, rather than ruminating on the past, or depending on my husband to meet them. My struggle here is also in letting go.
Yesterday my husband and I had an argument about me being a bit messy and I over-reacted and I got out of the car, and he left me at the shops alone for hours - I guess it sort of brought this back but it comes and goes 'this feeling of regret? sorrow? grief?' or whatever it is!
I really miss my ex. and that hurts, I miss his mum who was like my own, and the connections... but this is more about me struggling to let go of the past now.
How did you do it? if there is anyone similar who understands I'd love some kind, gentle, advice and scripture is welcome as it is encouraging and I really do get so sad about this from time to time. You would think in five years I'd be 'over it!'....
xo.
Spirit.
It's been five years since my ex and I split up. In the more recent year/s I have come to the belief that this was more due to my depression, that hit me hard the year of the break up and I was not coping - making a lot of foolish choices which I since regret. One of them was the break up, and letting go of who I believe was my 'soul mate'. Thing is I can even remember him trying to tell me to get help cos I was depressed. I did but it took a while to get better, and now I'm coming out of it I find myself in a different place in life - including being married to a man who may not be my soul mate in contrast to my past lover.
Perhaps though we have more than one? or I am comparing too much!
I really miss him. I haven't contacted him, nor do I plan to because I am married now - only my marriage was terrible to the point of near divorce in the first year because he treated me like a house/chores queen while I worked full time. It has improved this year a lot, but is still very difficult at times as I never recieve the kind of love and genuine gentleness my ex gave me.
My struggle with depression here is trying to allow God to meet my needs, rather than ruminating on the past, or depending on my husband to meet them. My struggle here is also in letting go.
Yesterday my husband and I had an argument about me being a bit messy and I over-reacted and I got out of the car, and he left me at the shops alone for hours - I guess it sort of brought this back but it comes and goes 'this feeling of regret? sorrow? grief?' or whatever it is!
I really miss my ex. and that hurts, I miss his mum who was like my own, and the connections... but this is more about me struggling to let go of the past now.
How did you do it? if there is anyone similar who understands I'd love some kind, gentle, advice and scripture is welcome as it is encouraging and I really do get so sad about this from time to time. You would think in five years I'd be 'over it!'....
xo.
Spirit.
You sound like you're committed to this marriage, and that's good. Also sounds like there's been some good steps taken, getting along better, so that's good too.
Sounds to me like you're thinking about the old relationship because it ended in a less-than-ideal way. Nobody wants to lose a relationship due to depression. I've been there, and it sucks. Hard.
You say you never get "love and genuine gentleness" from your husband...this worries me. I understand that you mean the same KIND of love you felt from your ex.
Can you tell your husband how you're feeling without bringing the ex into it? There really is no use in living in the past, so you may as well make the best of what you have right now.
All I had to say was that I wish I could offer better advice, but I have been there, lost a relationship to my "issues," and for that you have my deepest sympathies.
I hope you can get this worked out soon. Hugs to ya.
I appreciate the comments, and gentle advice.
It means a lot that someone can understand the guilt and sadness that comes from regret, and as I reflect here I do see that it was the 'way' it ended due to my depression that impacted me - and causes me a lot of the pain ... good point.
It is like a death when you lose someone in such a way, and I will never have the chance to explain or reconnect with him ..
I feel that having some feeling of closure or letting go is essential, because for my marriage to improve, for my happiness, and for any chance of having a real family in the future I need to move beyond this.
It can take forever I suppose because it is such a truly deep thing - as I said I felt a loss of a soul connection and I wasn't in the right state of mind to hold on then.
We live and we learn don't we. Thanks guys, I don't have any good girlfriends who understand and I needed some advice and encouragement/wisdom here.
I continue to give this to God daily, and I realise I'm really struggling. I will try and not let this block my husband or get in the way of a better life. It's just like I've had a huge wake up call over the past few years and it's hitting me so hard. For example I would have loved to have kids with my ex, and i'm struggling to see my husband as father material because he's quite tough on me and the other guy was so soft.
Your prayers are appreciated and needed, I will remind my husband that I need his softness and his care.
thankyou.
IF you are unhappy in your marriage, maybe try some counseling, but if that doesn't work, then please don't stay in a bad relationship, as it'll only harbor regret.
I hope you find the answers you seek soon. Wishing you peace and happiness.
I suggest that every time you suppose a life with your ex, you immediately think of ways to appreciate your husband. You need to make a realistic comparison between the two, with the heaviest comparison being you are married to your husband. There is much more 'future' for you in your husband. There is where your investment should be.
I miss people from my past, too, and often have vivid dreams of being with them despite being happy (as happy as can be when depressed and suicidal on a daily basis) in my marriage. It doesn't seem very fair that my brain takes over while I'm sleeping and forces me to live in this alternate realm where I can be with a past lover, but when I wake up I feel awful and don't believe I'll ever get that kind of closure.
I do agree with the previous posters, especially cinnamonheart's reply: do your best to figure out whether you are unhappy in your marriage and if it's something you can continue to work on or if it's just another part of your life you may regret.
Lastly, hugs, sorry to know what you're dealing with.