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parents seperating/I need to move

rac146
rac146
So...I know I have posted a bit about my family and the issues we've had over the past few years, but its official : my parents are separating after 28 years together. My mom moved out in August. I haven't really been talking to her, not because I'm mad, not really. I just have other things to deal with. Like, I have been living with them in a house my father and I can't afford on our own. My bf is pitching his cash in and it still isn't enough. We need to find a new place my December 1st. I'm torn with needing to provide for myself and trying to help my dad. My dad and I have never been close, but still. Add on to this that the two family dogs are now mine (my dad was never the dog person, it was my mom and mines thing but she didn't want to take either one of them with her) along with my dog and my boyfriends dog, that means trying to find a place to live with 4 f***ing dogs. yea right. But they are the only things keeping me sane right now, if it wasn't for the dogs are would be - I don't even want to think about it. I'm overwhelmed, broke, and now need to find a new place to live. I have been having the most god awful nightmares, when I even sleep. :(
gramybear
gramybear
You are probably having nightmares because you are overwhelmed with too many adult responsibilities. Your dad is a grown man and needs to take care of himself and not expect his young daughter to take care of him. It's time for you and your bf to find your own place, and many places will take animals with a decent deposit. Do not let your dad or anyone else make you feel guilty or bad because you need to move on with your life. I can understand your being overwhelmed but in the long run, it's time for you to move on. We are here to help you, support you, and hopefully give you some suggestions. Do you have anyone to talk about what you are going through? I think that is really important right now. Hugs Gramybear
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
I like what Gramy has to say. Please think about what YOU want! It is time for you to dig deep and think about the person you want to be, and then take the steps you need to get there.

It will be hard, but it will be worth it!
koolman
koolman
Family is most important. If the house gets foreclosed on and you're all out in the street, all you have is each other. Continue to help your dad. It's love. It's an investment in the afterlife. That said, does your dad have any plans for his own living arrangements? Is your mom planning to clean him out financially in the upcoming divorce, take the house? Or is it an amicable split, she's got her own place, and she just wants out of the marriage?
gustokitty
gustokitty
perhaps you guys could rent out a room, instead of moving.
gustokitty
gustokitty
koolman, really?
serenityspeaks
serenityspeaks
It doesn't sound like she can afford to help her dad. Where did your mom go in all of this. I actually moved on my own very young and I remember being so stressed from the real world barely making it. It's not easy. I hope you can find peace and things work out. Sorry your going through this.
IsJusMe
IsJusMe
rac honey it wont be easy but you will come out the other
side of this with more strength then you ever suspected you
had. Mom and Dad need to take care of life not lean on you
at all.. family can be a great burden that we are not required
to carry simply because life made us "related" .... the family
i claim and spend my precious time and emotions on has
dwindled the last several years .. turns out thats ok .. gonna
play life with those who like me not make life hard.

this will not be easy...
but hang on hon...
you will be ok
~huge hugs~
~ ^_^ ~
rac146
rac146
We talked about the possibility of us renting out rooms (we have 2 empty ones) but the problem is we are already pretty behind and the house is a mess. My dad also said if something major were to break he couldn't afford to repair it. Finally there is the fact my dad is untrustworthy and bad with money (part of the reason my mom left). there is no guarantee if I give him money he will even pay the bills or the house with it. My bf and I think we are better off getting our own place at this point but neither of us make very much. I work full time (and dropped out of college to help with things for now...hopefully just taking one semester off) but his hours aren't guaranteed so that makes things hard. Serenity is right, I am in the position of being able to help my dad OR save for a new place, not both. Its really hard because I don't have anyone to really talk to about this, and I feel I'm at my wits end.
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
If your dad is bad with money and he is willing to admit it to you, then you may be able to solve it. You can open an account that is strictly for house things. Have your dad auto deposit a portion of his pay directly into that account. Then, if you choose to help him financially, you can deposit the money into that account. Then YOU control that account and use it to pay rent/mortgage, repairs, etc.

Obviously if your dad is not willing to admit his problem then this will not work.
rac146
rac146
That's a good idea, and worth bringing up to him. The only thing is, we're already pretty behind, and don't have the funds to catch up. I don't know if we could work with the bank perhaps, again worth talking to my dad about, but when we have these conversations, he usually sounds like he isn't interested in saving the house. I would love to if we can, but at the same time I don't want to be stuck feeling like I have to help my dad pay his mortgage for the next several years. *sigh* I sometimes feel like the choices are very overwhelming.
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