We're glad you posted. Don't ever apologize for reaching out for support. That's what we are here for. It sounds like you are severely depressed and need help. Are you taking medication and seeing a therapist? That's where I would suggest you start. Do you live at home with your parents? It doesn't sound like they understand this illness very well. Maybe educating them through some resarch might help. And keep posting. We are here for you and many people here, myself included, have been where you are now. You are not alone.

Don't ever apologize that is what we are here for support and get support and give support to help. I would call your doc on Monday let them know what is going on.. In the meantime distract your self with things you like to do something pleasant crafts hobbies movies indulge in a favorite food. exercise cooking whatever pleases you. Don't even think about being a burden to anyone. We all have moods and can express them any way we can.

You haven't found yourself yet. This doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. You aren't. I think in the past you've been cross when I've called you young, but if you understand that I'm not putting you down, I'm actually helping, that will make things better.

You don't have "emotional problems." You have emotions. Okay? Your problem is you have not found your way of processing them yet, and so they are backlogging. it's something you'll have to learn how to do. And learn that you have to do! Today's society isn't really teaching its young how to experience their feelings!

Until you find your personal way of getting through your emotions, you will have a surfeit of them and be 'emotional' a lot. it's not anything wrong with you. it's the methods you possess and the environment you are in. It's entirely possible you're staying up all night and sleeping all day: that'll make a person emotional. not having structure, and not having enough rest, will make a person emotional. Not having their career settled, not knowing where their place is at work or at home will make a person stressed.

Until you figure out 'your' way of handling your inner reality you may distort and go sideways, thinking you're worthless, thinking you have no future, etc. That doesn't mean it's true. I'm 45 now, I still get those moments. Life has helped me, time has helped me, by giving me opportunities to prove myself to myself so I know my life and value better; but I still have those days. you who are young haven't had that trial by fire. You haven't yet got that proof. So you don't have that to take care of you when things are going badly. Life is harder on the young.

don't give up on yourself, don't take your beliefs about yourself seriously. You could end up being the saviour of the world for all you know. You have no idea what your potential is yet. give yourself a chance, get counselling if you can because I found it helped hugely, remember that you are young and that there will be things for you to discover, that will make life easier: and that this process goes on all your life long.

Look at a 12 yr old. are you more capable than he is? More in tune, more in control? Trust that in the future you will be more relaxed, more in control, and more on top of things than you are now. Don't get sucked into thinking that how things are now is how they will always be for you.

:)

Hello Enigmaticloner, Im sorry to know You feel that way. I understand that when You engage in something and fail, it brings You down, its natural but perhaps You pressure yourself in such a way that You blame yourself for not avoiding failure. Sometimes We can avoid failure, many other times We cant because failure is also part of learning and part of gaining strength to try again and do better until We achieve

But with We blame ourselves after failures, We dont allow ourselves to experience the learning part and keep ourselves from gaining enough courage to be strong to try again. Perseverence is not just very important, it is essential if We wanna reach something and do something good with life

If You feel out of control of your feelings, perhaps its because your thoughts make a mess in your emotional side, You are feeling overwhelmed by emotions but have You stopped to think that perhaps the source of all that overwhelming is not emotions but the kind of thoughts which live inside your head ?

I say this because I know for experience that even the smallest negative/pessimist thoughts can make a big mess inside someone, because in our view they may seem small and harmless but they are stronger than we can imagine, and to lose control is proof of that. I think You should fight the source of all that overwhelming sensation and emotions You have.

You should not blame yourself because blame gets u attached to failure and mistakes even more because to get past a failure or a mistake, there needs to be more strength and wisdom to make the right choices. Please do not apologise, u r not bothering anyone, just like others, I am glad You shared this and just hope that We manage to help You in a way or another

Hope You reflect upon what I said and try to fight the source of your depression, thats the only way to get free from it !

Take care

Heidi, yes I do live with my parents and I am seeing a counselor. I do try to explain things to them, they usually tell me that I need to find a hobby and to make new friends. I do have my few hobbies, but the loneliness is a big part of what I'm feeling.

Got2breal I actually have an appointment Monday to see my doctor about something else. I've never mentioned depression to him before though.

Bridgie I wouldn't consider it cross really, I just never liked when people brought up things like my age unless it's actually relevant to the conversation. I am trying to deal with my emotions the best I can however. They tend to just be overwhelming at times.

Lightwarrior Most mistakes I make weigh very heavily on my shoulders and I have a hard time letting them just roll off my shoulders and keep pushing through. It keeps me feeling down and feeling hopeless. I hate it, but it just seems to be natural for me.

It is good that you reached out for support when you are feeling so badly. I wish you felt better. Some days I have to hang on by my fingernails.

Do you have a doc or therapist? Can he/she help you?

There once was a businessman who had a series of failed businesses. He gave politics a shot and was defeated in congress, the Senate and as vice president. His fiance died and he had a nervous breakdown. His name was Abraham Lincoln.

I recently had to remind myself that even the most successful people have challenges and setbacks.

You aren't a failure. Imagine if Lincoln had let his first,second or fifth failure define him.

I've struggled like you. I fell away from my passion and purpose in life. I'm just now getting back on track.

I was someone most people would write off. Several hospitalizations, repeated suicidal ideation, flunked college more than once, lost jobs bc of depression.

I had ect last year. I got my bachelor's, found a job I like, adopted a dog, had weight loss surgery and lost 70 pounds. I'm finally on the right medicine.

It took me a decade but I am a million times better than I once was.

I still have shitty days. I still struggle with self doubt. But if a "lost cause" like me can succeed, you can too. I tell you this not to toot my own horn but to show you that if you never give up, yo can't fail.

Like the others have said, start with a good therapist and psychiatrist. What's your passion/skill? Pursue it and don't give up, no matter what roadblocks might come up. My biggest mistake years ago was letting self doubt throw me off my path. I'm getting back on it now.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PURE AND COMPLETE FAILURE.
THERE IS ALWAYS HELP AROUND THE CORNER.
LOOK 4 IT OR IT WILL COME 2 U.................................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O

I would suggest writing down all the things you are good at and that you have accomplished. Even if it is something "small" l like responding to a post here to cheer someone up. Perhaps that will help you overcome your feelings of failure.

Also don't feel bad for posting here. You are a valued member of this community. You are always so helpful to others. Sometimes you need help yourself.

Thanks for all the posts everyone. I'm just trying really hard to accept my flaws but not let them overwhelm me. It's proving to be extremely difficult.

Enigmaticloner, You feel it is natural because it has become a habit for You to feel guilty and hopeless when You notice your flaws and make mistakes

Nobody likes making mistakes, it is upsetting but dwelling on such upsetting feelings like guilt, pressure and sadness itself, it only keeps u stuck, without moving forward and changing

You need to be more patient with yourself, You shouldnt get used to making mistakes but You shouldnt get used to feeling guilty when You make them either !

Perhaps if You can leave behind such pressure u put upon yourself, You wont feel so heavy anymore and will actually be able to maintain calmness during moments You need to
Its during our negative attitudes and mistakes that We actually have a chance to stop ourselves and change our attitude, it doesnt work everytime depending on the circumstances but that way You can actually start leaving behind such heavy feeling You have

You cant walk much ahead if You feel so heavy, it is not natural for You but it has become because You accepted it as a habit but You can break it, I am sure u have chances each day, be vigilant and help yourself more even if You cant do much now, do your best
and understand that failing is not a condemnation, it is a chance to improve and heal

Think about it and believe in yourself, even if your life hasnt brought u much hopes, build them up within yourself, become as much emotionaly independent from lifes circumstances as You can

I am not telling You not to care, I am telling u to care in a good and healthful way, I hope You understand .

First off coming here was a good step, it's not easy to admit you have a problem and just as hard to ask for help.

As far as feeling like a burden, I know that all to well when I have bad days. So I'm not blowing smoke when I say you aren't a burden.

Everyone has given quite a bit of good advice so all I think I can honestly add is this. Having a bad day is like falling flat on your face. Yes it sucks and we all do it, even the "normal happy people" have bad days. it doesn't matter how many bad days you have, nor does it matter how slowly it takes you to do anything in life. As long as you're actively trying to help yourself you're ahead of everyone else.