Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I nearly got hit by a car on my way home from walking the dog. The woman driving was texting away on her phone and nearly hit me. (I crossed at crossing.)
I started shouting at her and she stopped her car, wound down the window and said it was my fault. I reached in her car, took her phone and smashed it on the street. I am aware this reaction was over the top but I figure she can phone the police if she wants. I told her where I live.
It is just shit that she does something very wrong and me and the dog nearly end up at the docs.
Dont text or use your phone when your driving, I may be watching and you could lose a phone.
I started shouting at her and she stopped her car, wound down the window and said it was my fault. I reached in her car, took her phone and smashed it on the street. I am aware this reaction was over the top but I figure she can phone the police if she wants. I told her where I live.
It is just shit that she does something very wrong and me and the dog nearly end up at the docs.
Dont text or use your phone when your driving, I may be watching and you could lose a phone.
I am now worried that I have done something terrible. BPD reactions and me have a strained relationship but I get the feeling I am the only one who feels bad about that situation. I put money on the fact that she is ranting about ME to someone, blaming ME for her idiocy.
I dont know any of this but it seems likely.
it was a heated moment... she nearly knocked you both down! try not to worry too much about how she is possibly feeling... hope she has learnt a lesson
So she lost her phone. She's probably got a new one already. Be kind to yourself on this one...you reacted out of anger and fear, but the reaction didn't hurt anybody and might (hopefully) make her think next time she does something so stupid.
please try and let go of the guilt.... your life and that of your pooch were endangered... anger was a normal reaction
Secondly, I was recently diagnosed (ish) with bipolar - I say ish, because they diagnosed me with a range of things, some of which I believe in, some of which I have my doubts - I don't for example think I have a massive problem with food, I am aware that often I lose a lot of weight but it isn't an eating disorder, I just forget to eat or am busy. Anyway, what I'm interested in is your associating angry reactions and guilt afterwards with bipolar. I am really aware that have no sense of perspective sometimes and I do things that are totally irrational, again not violent in deed, but in thought and anger, I overreact, or at least it feels to me that I do and then I feel immense guilt afterwards, an all consuming totally out of proportion guilt, even about things I thought and not done.
Is this bipolar? Or normal? Have you found anything that helps with it? I hadn't heard anyone say anything about it before, but reading what you've written and the guilt you are experiencing (completly unnecessarily in my eyes) just sounds so very familar.
Thank you if you or anyone else replies.
I'm glad you and your dog are okay.
I do feel as if my emotions are running away with me, like I have no control over what they can do. The worst thing is, I haven't had an episode like this for over a year, not one in which I felt so bad afterwards. Emotional outbursts are the norm for me but they have been steadily dropping off. I think this situation has made me realise just how far I'm falling at the moment.
I dont have Bi-polar but Borderline Personality Disorder.I think the symptoms are similar, I was initially diagnosed as Bi-polar type 1 when I first started seeing my pdoc but after being pushed from pillar to post, the borderline diagnosis seemed to fit my behaviour a lot closer. Part of the guilt thing is a feeling I am letting myself and others around me down by not being 'like others', as if I always have a conscious choice in the matter.
I did DBT and CBT for a while and the DBT has helped, I dont think Im as bad as I used to be but Im not sure if my perspective is warped. My wife certainly thinks Im a lot better than I used to be but even that is hard to accept. Mindfulness is a great technique but when thoughts are racing and blood pressure rises, it seems a bit redundant. Maybe that is me failing at the technique, I just dont know.
I have started the process to get more therapy, hopefully it wont be too far away. I dont like the thought I am going backwards
Because of my emotional outbursts or just plain old misery which I do believe is out of my control, at least with what I have at the moment, I have really limited my friendships and interactions with people, I am liked when I am happy, when I am not then it (and I do kind of understand it) is impossible for people to be around me, not because I do anything, just because I am in pain.
Oh I have no idea at all about my diagnosis, in the UK (and I can see from the box that pops up you are here too - hello!) Mental health care is shockingly bad on the NHS, I can't actually access anything in my area without basically making myself unemployed (I am offered both psychodynamic therapy and counselling but only during the daytime) my actual psych sees me for 10 minutes every three months and I don't feel knows me at all, like last time was a good day so my trying to explain that no, the meds weren't working I'd felt suicidal for weeks before hand wasn't even listened to. It seems if you can cope and aren't in "crisis" then you are ignored, I kind of can cope and would only claim to be in crisis if I was - but really if I was in crisis there is no way I'd seek help, so a stupid catch 22.
And so its a hard choice, do I quit everything and intentional ruin any facade of a career and alienate people who care about me more, by seeking help or do I keep struggling on? Who knows, I do feel to delibertly make myself unemployed and broke or to push myself to serious crisis would be ultimately more destructive than the help I'd get would be worth.
But... sorry long ranting! I am not sure anyone whose seen me has ever listened, ever understood or ever cared enough to give me a proper diagnosis, so I don't know what "I am" apart from me... And as you say, it sucks not knowing if you are "normal", "whining" or if everyone else feels like this and just gets on with it or if there is a real problem that could be helped somehow and you are just not seeing it.
I have wanted to try DBT, but no money for it, I have mediated for a long time and it really does help, 15 minutes of peace a day or whatever, but like you I find it hard when I am feeling shitty to find peace or to think "I feel crap, why not try and feel happy"... impossible in fact.
I'd listen to your wife, she knows you and I'd trust her. Don't let this once incidence (of perfectly rational in my eyes - alas maybe warped eyes!) behaviour make you think anything bad about yourself. Its like that saying, if the horse throws you off, you've just got to get back on, one step at a time, day by day, mental health I think can be seen like a disease or addiction that each day is a struggle against letting it consume you and win, some days will be better than others, but in picking yourself up, dusting yourself down and trying again, you show such strength of character and such inner fortitude, that it can help you become a better person. I also think, personally, understanding pain and depression gives you a strong sense of empathy and kindness that others may not have the opportunity to aquire (although thats not always true!)
Sorry for the lenght and rantiness of my reply, I have teeth problems today, have bunked of work and managed to do some immense reorganisation of my room, for no apparent reason... so am taking a break and wondering what to do with myself!
Thank you again for replying.
I shouldn't imagine she would phone the police but people in this town are strange.
I have had the same sort of struggles with mental health and the NHS. I was written off work for 9 months before my employers cancelled my contract. During this time, I waited for some therapy, anything. When I finally got it, I had been having a bad time and was suicidal. The counseller admitted she was a little out of her depth and so the wait continued anew. i was lucky enough to find the only DBT therapist in my area and after my first session, he mentioned DBT and how it would help me greater than CBT would, although we did both over a period of about 18 weeks.
One side of me is glad of the break from work, it has certainly helped me actually face things but it's also left me feeling that I will never be able to hold down a job for any time. These periods are going to crop up again and again, so why would any prospective emplyer want me?
I also exercise control through food, although that has been taking a back seat since I was diagnosed with a hiatus hernia. (sometimes it feels like my body is already rotting whilst Im living in it).
The past few months, I have been trying to control, or halt my descent but the more I try the worse it becomes but I dont want to give in and let it win, I cant let it win.
Your teeth problems reminded me of this. Hope you dont mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC8qR6fD4Wc