I think that's a good sign, SK. You're making attempts to understand your feelings and reactions, in hopes of finding positive solutions. I've been doing that alot lately too and yes it does sound kind of self-absorbed, but isn't that what a therapist would have us do? I would think that in the process of thinking about ourselves and depression, we're making progress in finding a better place emotionally.

Oh, and by the way.....I think you're the most awesome turd I ever met LOL
(((hugs)))

Jana you're funny...'awesome turd'...hahahaha
Seeking, I think it's great that you are thinking of yourself..and trying to understand what is going on with you, trying to find a way out of your depression. I think it takes a strong person to focus on their depression and try to find a way to 'better your life'. YOU'RE A STRONG AWESOME TURD!

Sometimes we need to focus on us. We need to heal ourselves before we can take care of other.

*smiles* I think y'all are pretty awesome turds too! Oh....um well you aren't turds - you know what I mean LOL - Anyways, it's difficult doing that (focusing on yourself) because I'm so use to focusing on others - it's easier than dealing iwth your own crap - but then your craps keeps piling and you become overwhelmed with it - but it's very difficult facing yourself. I know I have to, but it scares me.

Being "selfless" is not always a positive attribute, darlin'. Oh, it sounds very noble..but the reality is..if you ignore yourself and focus on everyone else, where are you? WHO are you? What really do you have to offer when you've neglected your own well-being?
I took great pride in my mothering...selfless mama.
and you know what I learned, after all these years? That your chidren should be the most important thing in your life. BUT they should not BE YOUR LIFE. Your wellbeing...flows into theirs...does that make sense? xoxo
(a TURD that always has her babywipes on hand lol) Di xoxo

Being a martyr for so many, many years was exhausting. So, now I sit on the sidelines and watch the games that people play since I never had that opportunity before and it's a real eye opener. It's exciting to learn about ourselves and I can't wait to attain the status of "turd."

Lola you're a turd in my book! ;) LOL

Wow! We have evolved! Look out ToysRus...make room for TurdsRus!!
Great comment, Jane. Can I have your autograph? But in ink please, not ...you know LOL

my shit ink pen just ran outta shit ink..so you're in luck! lol

I think it is good to think of ourselves sometimes. If we only ever think of others and always put other people first we would die. There are times when we have to put ourselves first so we can be there for others later. someone always drilled into my head that you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. I think it is even more true when it comes to caring for others, especially emotionally. You have to out yourself first at times. You have to make yourself a priority. you are important and worth it. HUGS

i think you make a very good point, I have just recently been considering this, myself. We all have certain basic aspects of our personalities that stand out - the four basic traits are (see if i can remember them now) sanguine, who is happy go lucky, and usually has lots of friends, meloncholic, who is predisposed to being intoverted and often depression (and self reflection)choleric, which I can't remember the quality of, and one other one, I can't remember. But the point is, we are all usually strongest in one area, and a mixture of some of them.
So if you are an deep thinker and a book reader to begin with, part of it is just your nature to be that way. And if there is something wrong with your picture, and you are a problem solver like I am, of course you're going to self reflect a lot!!
There are power people, people who like to serve, people who are organizers, etc. It is not the quality itself that is a good or bad quality, but what you do with that quality that matters.
I don't think I ever will understand myself very well. and I will probably always think about myself - and how I can fit in and relate with others' experience. But my intention, at least is to pull along side, and say "I'm with you" and "I care," not "I've done that, and I know...(so I'm past you...get it together)
I think, as you say, the differences is in the nuance of language. And based on the friends I have, which have mostly asked me to be their friend, and the thank you's I've gotten and hugs, I think I'm doing something right!
There's always going to be somebody who disagrees. You can't please everybody!!

What's that when you fly they tell you if the cabin looses pressure when the oxygen masks come down put yours on FIRST then help the others. Yup. Sometimes you just have to think of self first.

I'm not sure I want to be a Turds R Us Kid. I was singing the jingle to Toys are Us and I really don't feel like playing with lots of turds at Turds R Us that I can play with! LOL

looking after yourself comes first, then it'd be alot easier for you to help others. this is a site for people to know that they can talk to one another, i'm sure nobody thinks you're being selfish, i certainly don't.

*hugs* Thanks AAEH. I can't help but feeling self-absorbed lately. I have friends on here who listen to soooooo much - and want to reciprocate the "shoulder" in return. I really do. Just the turmoil of life can be so overwhelming sometimes - and it feels good to let it out - yet I feel like a turd after I do. I feel guilty and selfish for thinking of myself