Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I know I haven't been on the board much. Lately, I have been occupied with work, and my husband tends to use the functioning computer for business. I should probably be posting this on the OCD board, but all my friends are here and I haven't been on the OCD board for probably a year.
For the past couple of days, my OCD has really been getting the best of me. I get very severe relationship OCD, and I was going off the wall with obsessive thinking about 3 days ago. Luckily, my husband is very understanding, but I can not help but feel guilt for what comes out of my mouth at times. Although he knows that it is just my OCD, I know that deep down it does have an effect on him, and I just can't forgive myself for that. I have no idea if anyone on this board is familiar with relationship OCD, but it always starts out as one stupid thought, like I may not think that I find my hubby attractive anymore (which is bullshit) and then it snowballs into 10000 what if questions, such as should I be with him, is my mental illness destroying our relationship, am I hurting him, should I be with someone else, is there someone out there I could love more, should people only be with one person their entire lives, is this a cultural norm and if so is it real, etc etc etc.
Also, my tics have been acting up, and it seems like all I ever want to do is sleep. Actualy, the sleep is nothing new, and I am always feeling like I suck at my music and that my art is meaningless. These thoughts are really getting to me. It is always very hard for me to start writing a new song regardless of how many ideas are in my head because I think that everything either sounds like shit or that the music I write is not my style and is not a reflection of who I am.
For the past couple of days, my OCD has really been getting the best of me. I get very severe relationship OCD, and I was going off the wall with obsessive thinking about 3 days ago. Luckily, my husband is very understanding, but I can not help but feel guilt for what comes out of my mouth at times. Although he knows that it is just my OCD, I know that deep down it does have an effect on him, and I just can't forgive myself for that. I have no idea if anyone on this board is familiar with relationship OCD, but it always starts out as one stupid thought, like I may not think that I find my hubby attractive anymore (which is bullshit) and then it snowballs into 10000 what if questions, such as should I be with him, is my mental illness destroying our relationship, am I hurting him, should I be with someone else, is there someone out there I could love more, should people only be with one person their entire lives, is this a cultural norm and if so is it real, etc etc etc.
Also, my tics have been acting up, and it seems like all I ever want to do is sleep. Actualy, the sleep is nothing new, and I am always feeling like I suck at my music and that my art is meaningless. These thoughts are really getting to me. It is always very hard for me to start writing a new song regardless of how many ideas are in my head because I think that everything either sounds like shit or that the music I write is not my style and is not a reflection of who I am.
Lately, I have been dealing with severe fatique and dizziness along with horrible back and neck pain. I am pretty sure that the pinched nerves in my neck is causing the dizziness as this has happened in the past. Standing up all day at my job is making my back worse and although I originally loved my job, I am now working the night shift which is really boring. The deli is slow and there is literally nothing to do. My boss hates it when I clean to cure my boredom (which is pretty odd), so I feel like I am standing around doing nothing.
I really feel catatonic, and it is driving me nuts.
I actually went out the other night to a concert and it ended up being horrible. it ticks me off that I haven't been to a show in over a year, and the show I saw last night sucked severely.
Ugh. I'm going nuts and I feel awful.