Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I know I haven't been on the board much. Lately, I have been occupied with work, and my husband tends to use the functioning computer for business. I should probably be posting this on the OCD board, but all my friends are here and I haven't been on the OCD board for probably a year.
For the past couple of days, my OCD has really been getting the best of me. I get very severe relationship OCD, and I was going off the wall with obsessive thinking about 3 days ago. Luckily, my husband is very understanding, but I can not help but feel guilt for what comes out of my mouth at times. Although he knows that it is just my OCD, I know that deep down it does have an effect on him, and I just can't forgive myself for that. I have no idea if anyone on this board is familiar with relationship OCD, but it always starts out as one stupid thought, like I may not think that I find my hubby attractive anymore (which is bullshit) and then it snowballs into 10000 what if questions, such as should I be with him, is my mental illness destroying our relationship, am I hurting him, should I be with someone else, is there someone out there I could love more, should people only be with one person their entire lives, is this a cultural norm and if so is it real, etc etc etc.
Also, my tics have been acting up, and it seems like all I ever want to do is sleep. Actualy, the sleep is nothing new, and I am always feeling like I suck at my music and that my art is meaningless. These thoughts are really getting to me. It is always very hard for me to start writing a new song regardless of how many ideas are in my head because I think that everything either sounds like shit or that the music I write is not my style and is not a reflection of who I am.
For the past couple of days, my OCD has really been getting the best of me. I get very severe relationship OCD, and I was going off the wall with obsessive thinking about 3 days ago. Luckily, my husband is very understanding, but I can not help but feel guilt for what comes out of my mouth at times. Although he knows that it is just my OCD, I know that deep down it does have an effect on him, and I just can't forgive myself for that. I have no idea if anyone on this board is familiar with relationship OCD, but it always starts out as one stupid thought, like I may not think that I find my hubby attractive anymore (which is bullshit) and then it snowballs into 10000 what if questions, such as should I be with him, is my mental illness destroying our relationship, am I hurting him, should I be with someone else, is there someone out there I could love more, should people only be with one person their entire lives, is this a cultural norm and if so is it real, etc etc etc.
Also, my tics have been acting up, and it seems like all I ever want to do is sleep. Actualy, the sleep is nothing new, and I am always feeling like I suck at my music and that my art is meaningless. These thoughts are really getting to me. It is always very hard for me to start writing a new song regardless of how many ideas are in my head because I think that everything either sounds like shit or that the music I write is not my style and is not a reflection of who I am.
i can relate.
especially the music/art part. i don't have relationship OCD, so i don't feel justified in saying anything about that, but it must be really difficult.
i've seen / heard your art/ music....and from an outsiders perspective, i completely dig it.
it is from within you. i don't see it as being dis-ingenuous at all.
This body, this broken vessel, is illusion
Though I breathe no more, my breath remains, within the air of the desert
Even if my bones may vanish, beneath this sand, my spirit still exist
So why are you crying, as you should be rejoicing, through distant memories
On Todos Santos, bring some yellow marigolds, and set them on my grave
Now march with the calacas, amonst the candlelight, and dance in the streets, so I can dance with you
Anywho, my biggest problem is that I am a perfectionist. If one freaking note is off, I will have a nervous breakdown and go into a crying fit. I just keep beating myself up endlessly, and it is getting old. because I am so inactive, all I do is sleep, when I should be writing lyrics or doing something constructive. Ugh.
i also use garageband, but with the m-audio box and mics.
(i LOVE garageband)
i think you're evolving. the step into world music is totally a huge step.
i love the lyrics,even if they're borderline ideation. :)
There is one thing that my old therapist told me that wrings true and helps. She told me that people with OCD obsess about those things that are most important to them. In other words, the only reason why I obsess about my husband so much is because I love him and value our marrage. If he was meaningless to me, I would have no reason to obsess about him. The same probably goes for you and your boyfriend. If you didn't care about him, would you be worrying about him so much?
Look in the mirror and tell me what do you see.
Is it fact or fiction?
Is it a reflection of what society wants you to be?
Or one of individuality?
When life is fiction, you are no longer yourself
When life is fiction, you become the illusion of someone else
How can you be when you can't think for yourself?
When all of your thoughts are borrowed from somebody else.
How can you live when you just can't be?
And become a front for society?
When life is fiction, you are no longer yourself
When life is fiction, you become the illusion of someone else
i listened to your music, and i thought it was beautiful!!
hellooooo, concrete blond :D
clutch it, embrace it, immerse yourself!
you have a gift, and it's difficult for you to realize that through your ocd, but i assure you....it is there.
you're having a moment. ride it out, and don't lose sight of your passion :)
Now that my husband is home all the time, I don't get the opportunity to use the main computer much, which is the one with garageband on it. He uses it for buisness, so I really couldn't write much music right now even if I wanted to.
i wouldn't change a single one.
i think the second verse is the stronger of the 2 (maybe a bit more poetic also) so i might be inclined to switch vs. 1 for vs. 2, but it is really great kuno. really nice, direct chorus.....
yup, i like!
ps....re-reading calaveras, knowing what it was about, really opened it up for me. really cool.
play on, artist!
which, in my mind, is what the chorus is meant to do.
if there is a change in key from the vs. to the chorus, let the music change the mood. it will for sure. i picture the vs. being in major keys, and a drop down to a Bminor (my fave) or Am for the chorus (or maybe the other way around)
so..hahaha...what i'm trying to say is the chorus compliments the verses in my opinion.
Ugh. Today I am feeling totally energyless. There is a Trevor Dunn concert tonight that I plan on going to, so hopefully that will wake me up a bit. I feel like I have been catatonic and it is driving me nuts just trying to stay awake.