Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I keep doing things that are not like me and that I don't like doing. For a long time I have been much snappier than I've ever been before. I've been getting mad about things I shouldn't be getting mad about - things that I feel stupid about after. I'm making it hard for people to get along with me. But I only see it in hindsight, when it's too late. I've also been really emotional and sensitive. I've been dealing with episodes of depression for years now, but I had learned to be strong and to be above my emotions and in control of them. In the past year or so I seem to have lost control. There are times when I can't hold my tears in, so I have to make things up that seem worth crying about in front of people. I just want to be me again but I am starting to feel like I've really changed. I feel so negative and I don't want to be that way. But I can't seem to stop. What I really don't like is being angry. I can't stand angry people and I am becoming one. Especially when I drink I get really touchy. I smashed a beer bottle over a guys freaking head last night because he grabbed me and then stole my brother's hat that I was borrowing. I have felt like a complete ass since it happened. I don't do shit like that. I mean, yeah I've punched a dude before when he deserved it (which this guy did) but smashing a beer bottle over someone's head? That's like... psycho shit. I don't know who I am becoming and it scares me. It's like I've forgotten everything I used to know about keeping control over my life. I have no idea what to do.
Glad it's not just me. I'm really not like that. But in the moment we feel totally justified, and then embarrassed and stupid after. I know.
It's like something is pushing on the inside, then an external force - some jack ass person, pushes just a little more and then we push back.
Combustion. I think it is what happens when we mix alcohol (or whatever) stress or whatever, and THEN have a moment where we wouldn't normally do it, but BAM! It hits.
Not sure what the solution is. I guess like these responses say "being aware" is very important. Noticing when it's coming on and doing something different. Drinking less.
I want to start going out to the mountains more often. I want to go for walks and bike rides. I want to have bbqs and small backyard/house parties. But I haven't been in this city long enough to make enough friends to host a bbq or party, and to put it bluntly my roommates are socially lazy.
I'm stuck hanging out with people I don't even enjoy hanging out with and going out places I don't even enjoy going and I have no idea what to do about it. I can't snap my fingers and magically have more friends. Wish I could. God I miss Windsor :( I had such awesome friends there.. and a lot of them!