i lied to my dad about something today, i get myself involved in bad situations. tonight i was supposed to hangout with a friend she ditched me of course. i got really worked up about it so i decided to rebel. i told my dad this huge story and ended up getting caught. i am happy i did because my plan for tonight wasnt to go out and have fun it was to go to where i didnt think people would notice if i was there or not. i wanted to go to that party to leave and walk around and maybe find a quiet place to jusr take my medication and lay there, my body would freeze and mst likely not a person would find me or notice that i was gone. my dad fund out i wasnt where i said i was and got my sister to come get me. he thought i was trying to get drunk and high but the only thing i wanted to do was try and kill myself. he doesnt know that and i wont tell him, im going to tell him something that will be easier to hear then me trying to leave and kill myself. ugh i hate life and i am emotionally so drained and done no clue what i am going to do honestly im alone in my room with a bottle of pills in arms distance i coud end it all in my bed or drown myself in the tub. all i know is if i do thst tonight my dad will think that i did it because i was upset about geting caught which im not in a way i thought it was good because i guess i am still here i wish i wasnt the only person i live for is my dad, i dont know if i have it in me to leave just yet.