Yes, you would be missed. Even though it doesn't seem like it now, your husband would miss you.

My husband just told me he wished i was dead.. has told me to go die many times and even threatened to kill me. He tells me I am a burdon. That all I do is store garbage and he can't wait to get rid of me. (Which he keeps me around to taxi the kids and cook his dinner and to be his bedroom buddy. All jobs he can find a replacement for easily according to him. ) I highly doubt he would miss me. He would be relieved that he no longer has to pay any medical bills for me to not feel any different than I do now physically.

So abusive. Can you call a crisis line? It sounds this is really serious.
There are many crisis lines one this sites and you can try to get a hold of
someone at a Domestic Violence agency (though you'd need to leave the house so that he isn't aware--and remove any trace of calls or texts from your phone). Even in these times, people need help with DV.
If you are depressed to begin with, he is reinforcing all of the things that a
depressed person usually thinks about himself. I do think that people
would miss you. This is a time to reach. Please call your counselor/ doctors and a crisis line.

Your children would miss you. There is a national domestic violence hotline that you can call to find out about local resources. The number is 800-799-7233. You can also call 211 to find out about local resources.

Froggie...I have said it before...and I will say it again...your husband is a fucking asshole. You do not deserve that verbal abuse.

And fuck him...if he thinks that he's so much better without you...he would be nothing without you and all the things you do.

I pray that one day you get the strength to leave him...and realize he's the one who's dependent on you...not you on him.

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I have to wait till my children are old enough to choose where they live. He has already painted a false picture of me as being an unfit mother. My only link to my children is by hiding my feelings, trying my best to ignore his abusive behaviors and staying put.
I do dream about him being killed or him dying from this virus. (And he is high risk) but I don't think I could be lucky enough for that.

Froggie, if he threatened you, you could get a restraining order against him. It would also reenforce that he is abusive so if you do decide to leave in the future you have some evidence of his behaviors. I agree with the others. You should call a crisis or domestic violence hotline. You matter! So do your kids. Please take care of yourself.

Hi Froggie, sorry to hear about your challenges, and you are not alone as this has been a trying time for so many families. I too was having my struggles esp cause I live alone in basement and ended up coming to stay with family for a while as I fell into a deep depression.

My family also has its dysfunctions but I am trying to cope as best I can and look at the positive such as more sunlight, not feeling like a cooped up prisoner in a basement and I have gotten on a more regular sleeping pattern since being home as I was so stressed out last few weeks alone I was staying up until 4 or 5 in morning and sleeping in until nearly 2pm in aftn every day which threw my hormones all out of whack.

How old are you children? I understand that the timing to make any changes is not the best right now and you need to do what is best for everyone and because of the current pandemic you are probably being wise not to rock the boat per say. For the time being as long as you are all living under one roof I would just try and focus on some of your own self care. Aside from the obvious things you say you need to do for family like cooking etc, can you take time to run yourself a nice warm sea salt bath? Sea salt or epsom salt also helps to clear your auric energy so it removes negativity from your aura and may help you to deal with environmental stress a bit better.

Also can you sit out in the yard daily weather permitting? Try and get some daily dose of vitamin d, sunshine really helps with mood. I often sit by a window and allow the sun to beam in my face just to get that feel good hormone activated in my body, trust me this really works if you allow it. 15 min is all we need but I'd aim for 30 min or more. If your kids are younger maybe you can do crafts or stuff together, I am not sure on the dynamics but doing things together can really help create stronger bonds.

Drinking just fyi gets absorbed by the liver and can create a lot of internal anger and heat in the body. I just learned some cool techniques in my meditation class that you may like to try to cleanse your energy body as well as cool off emotions such as anger. Here is a couple links to videos that will give directions on how to do a foot soak and how to use an ice pack on your liver. Sounds crazy but don't knock it til you try it. It was passed down on from enlightened beings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6cSlPW9b3I&feature=emb_title

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEp8G4XYLBs&feature=emb_title


Hang in there and keep your energy high for your children's sake. Look at your husband as a hurt soul. I am in no way condoning his behavior and the way he treats you, trust me I know all about narcissists and if it helps just understand that every narcissist has most likely come from a very disturbed childhood too and did not do much healing. It may help you to redirect your energy and not take anything that he says personally. It is hard trust me I know, I've had my share of experiences and still encounter this, I try to just ignore most of what is said and not comment. Never throw fuel on the fire. It will only stir the ego more.

Your life matters, Think about your children. You are probably speaking from your pain body and or side effects of medications you are taking on top of this crazy time we are all collectively going through on the planet so it is creating or bringing up a lot of tensions within households.

I like the ideas above, maybe try to all an AA or Crisis Help Line just to get grounded and get out of your head when you feel you can't cope.

Be safe and lots of hugs
Celestial Light

Finally a break! He has been called back to work.. So there is an end in sight!

Hey How's it going today better?

He told my kids he was going to hire a babysitter because their mother is incompetent. He told my kids I needed to find a new place to live and be worthless there. But has not said a word to me. He said all this while I was doing my nails. (One of my hobbies that keeps me sain. ) so while I heard it all and it all hurt I didn't bother responding because why fight about it?
It's only a matter of time now and he will be back to work. and then he won't be around as much. I can deal with the occasional verbal comments. But him doing it multiple times a day is why I want to end it all. The end is in sight though... He will return to work.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. He truly sounds like an ass. I have suffered from verbal abuse as well when I was younger from a very dysfunctional family member who was not happy until he saw that I felt as much pain as he did. It is very sad that people have no idea that hateful words do just as much damage as a fist.

I am not sure how old your kids are--- but the bad news is they are witnessing firsthand what he is doing to you. As long as you stay and put up with it they will believe it is ok. Boys will think it is normal to treat their future spouses this way... girls will think this is what they deserve . He is not only destroying your self esteem, but insuring they will follow his lead.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and do not deserve to be treated so cruelly.