Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
...went to bed a little earlier about midnight, but didn't get up until 12 hours later!...and didn't want to do that...I do have a Chess Club meeting to go to tonight and I look forward to that...but I don't look forward to getting ready to go...that's just so hard for me right now!!! GOD...that really sounds so ridiculous to me...but it's true.
Anyway... depression sucks bigtime...I hate it, especially when I have to go through it all alone...you know because of the shame associated with being 'sick'...Can I set little goals? ...Sure, I can set them...it's following through on them that I can't do...UGH! it's just so frustrating...like my goal to complete 3 tasks: I haven't been able to do that and its been at least a month I think!...I look at them and I just sit here trying to convince myself to get up and go do it...but I don't!!!...as for doing something for someone else, well I do volunteer at a Clinic for the Homeless...4 hours on Wed mornings...and yes that is fun!!! I enjoy those four hours...right now Wed's are pretty good for me...but I'm still not doing the important things I need to do for myself...know what I mean? ... I've always been a social drinker...but lately I've realized that I want to drink to numb my feelings and I know for a fact that that is not the thing to do...and it is so hard...my husband brought a beer into the house last Saturday...and it's just sitting there...calling me...everytime I open the refrigerator,,,it's there...saying come on...one beer won't hurt ...but I know different...so I go and drink my other addiction COKE (the drink) which would really be so good with some Jack Daniels...but I don't have that...so coke will have to do the trick...but even that is not good for me...and I know that but I can't help it. OHHH...Frustrations...Frustrations....Frustrations!!!
I was thinking last night before I went to bed, that I always do the right thing...all my life, I've done the right thing...why can't I just once give in to the desires of my flesh...why do I have to be the good one...I'm not trying to impress anyone...I don't care about anyone else's opinion of me...and Ij'm not really afraid of anything, so why can't I just take a risk and give into my fleshly desires...the desires that aren't going to hurt anyone else...why do I always try to do the right thing to be the good one, the smart one, the right one...
My mom has always said that we have an angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other shoulder telling us what to do...and I believe that...but I always listen to the angel...I never listen to the devil...why?...why can't I just really throw myself into being selfish and only lookout for ME!...maybe then I would't be going through this crap called depression!...I don't know...God I've really gone of the deep end now...I am back to the question...what the fuck do I do? Maybe I need to disappear again and just get alone with Me Myself and I...but can I do that? can I really do that? ...and if I did...where would I go? ...what would I do...OH GOD!!! What do I do and how do I do it!!!...PLEASE HELP ME, GOD!!!
Anyway... depression sucks bigtime...I hate it, especially when I have to go through it all alone...you know because of the shame associated with being 'sick'...Can I set little goals? ...Sure, I can set them...it's following through on them that I can't do...UGH! it's just so frustrating...like my goal to complete 3 tasks: I haven't been able to do that and its been at least a month I think!...I look at them and I just sit here trying to convince myself to get up and go do it...but I don't!!!...as for doing something for someone else, well I do volunteer at a Clinic for the Homeless...4 hours on Wed mornings...and yes that is fun!!! I enjoy those four hours...right now Wed's are pretty good for me...but I'm still not doing the important things I need to do for myself...know what I mean? ... I've always been a social drinker...but lately I've realized that I want to drink to numb my feelings and I know for a fact that that is not the thing to do...and it is so hard...my husband brought a beer into the house last Saturday...and it's just sitting there...calling me...everytime I open the refrigerator,,,it's there...saying come on...one beer won't hurt ...but I know different...so I go and drink my other addiction COKE (the drink) which would really be so good with some Jack Daniels...but I don't have that...so coke will have to do the trick...but even that is not good for me...and I know that but I can't help it. OHHH...Frustrations...Frustrations....Frustrations!!!
I was thinking last night before I went to bed, that I always do the right thing...all my life, I've done the right thing...why can't I just once give in to the desires of my flesh...why do I have to be the good one...I'm not trying to impress anyone...I don't care about anyone else's opinion of me...and Ij'm not really afraid of anything, so why can't I just take a risk and give into my fleshly desires...the desires that aren't going to hurt anyone else...why do I always try to do the right thing to be the good one, the smart one, the right one...
My mom has always said that we have an angel sitting on one shoulder and the devil sitting on the other shoulder telling us what to do...and I believe that...but I always listen to the angel...I never listen to the devil...why?...why can't I just really throw myself into being selfish and only lookout for ME!...maybe then I would't be going through this crap called depression!...I don't know...God I've really gone of the deep end now...I am back to the question...what the fuck do I do? Maybe I need to disappear again and just get alone with Me Myself and I...but can I do that? can I really do that? ...and if I did...where would I go? ...what would I do...OH GOD!!! What do I do and how do I do it!!!...PLEASE HELP ME, GOD!!!
One baby step at a time. Hugs to you
I'm kind of like you, in that I put too much pressure on myself and get overwhelmed by it all. Have to remind myself to do baby steps, too. We need to learn to be gentle with ourselves.