Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I am in a very weird stage.
I feel like I have no words, and at the same time, I feel like I could vomit nothing but every fear, stress and heartache I am feeling right now.
I also feel numb.
I feel like I am at the very end of my rope. I do not know where to go from here.
My “BF” and I are constantly fighting since our “breakup”. I stood my ground and it only made things worse. Is this how my life is going to be? I don’t know how to get out, and I feel more stuck now than ever since I went back. Now… what can I do? I can’t leave again, I’ve tried 5 times. He doesn’t trust me, and second guesses my every move. I don’t know how to act around him, and to be honest, I have lost sight of myself completely.
When we fight, or I am stressed, or sad, I binge and purge. I have been right back there.
I have had some pretty dark nights.
I never thought I’d be the type to attempt suicide, but within the last 4 weeks, I have found myself laying on the cold bathroom floor crying after just ingesting what I would hope to be enough pills. I always wake up the next morning. Then I hate myself for what I did, and sink deeper into this dark place.
I was seeing a counselor for ED, but I owe her money (high deductible insurance plan). I reached out to her yesterday because I had not heard from her after several attempts to be seen and schedule an appointment. I had a feeling it was because I haven’t had the money to pay yet, and my suspicions were right. She said that until I pay her, she cannot see me. That instantly made me feel two things, 1. I felt (and still feel) like a burden. I feel like my feelings are invalidated and no matter how low I may get, I have to realize that we live in a money hungry world, and should have known it was about money and 2. I felt guilty. I am not delinquent, just life happens and my out of pocket is higher because my deductible is high. I feel bad. I thought about it all night long.
In the City that I live in, there are not very many support groups for depression and or eating disorders. There is one group for ED that is held quite often, but is $120/class. That’s more than I owe the other counselor. There is a Support group in town for OA, but is held on weird days.
What can I do?
Even a counselor won’t listen to me. Am I that much of a burden? The suicidal tendencies have gone way up. But I don’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want to be hospitalized; I just want to numb everything I am feeling. I want to hide from everyday world, and I want to wake up and all of this be one big fucking nightmare.
But it’s not that easy.
So for now, I will try to keep living, one moment at a time. L
After reading your post I just wanted to say you are not alone in how you are feeling. I may not personally understand your exact situation because I do not know you I can only speak from my own personal perspective.
I know how hard it can be to deal with feelings of hopelessness and even suicidal thoughts. It can feel like an endless daily struggle just to keep your head above water. I spent the better part of 4 months thinking about it myself and I'm still amazed I got out of bed each morning sometimes.
There are so many of us that go through this without proper counseling solely based on financial instability that it just doesnt seem right especially because those who can't afford it are usually the ones who need it the most. If you ever need anyone to talk to please don't hesitate to send me a message and I will do my best to help however I can.
I hope this helped a little.
I'm going to be your voice of reason today. I have been where you are and so I can speak from experience. I can tell you that my life continued to seem empty until I turned to God. Through the good times and the bad, I never felt complete until I gave my life to Him. Nowadays even when life deals me lemons, I can make lemonade! Don't give up on yourself. Better days are ahead. The great thing about your post is that you truly have the power to change a lot of your circumstances. You say you fight constantly with your boyfriend but relationships should be beneficial to both involved. Relationships should involve both persons willing to give of themselves to help the other person. Sometimes we don't have enough of ourselves to give to another person. Ask yourself what am I getting out of this relationship and what am I giving to this relationship? If its all about what you can get but not what you can give, that should be a red flag for you to take a step away from the relationship before you both do something you may regret. You say you don't know how to get out. Is this because he is violent or controlling? You may have to take other steps if this is the case and you may have to get other people involved who can help you make that change. I am truly sorry about the counselor situation because there are a lot of great counselors out there. You can seek another counselor. You don't have to remain with this counselor. Ethically, she shouldn't stop seeing you completely just so you know; she should continue treatment with you. This being said however, I would find another counselor anyway. Some counselors have sliding fee scales or will make payment arrangements with you. You have to do a little investigative work but help is out there. Don't let your boyfriend or this counselor keep you from discovering your true purpose in life. Call this number: 1-855-771-HELP (4357), Monday thru Friday between 6 am and 8pm mountain time. They offer a one-time complimentary consultation. Maybe they can also refer you to services in your area that can help you.