Hi There,

I sometimes feel the way you do. Like you I feel the only way out is "to die". But I have thought about it, but never have.

Looking back I realize sometimes the way out is "through".

Think of your son. He is probably proud of you having a mental illness and going to work and dealing with hard problems.
Don't let him down.

My heart goes out to you.

Keep me updated ...
Sanz

Hi Sanz,
Thank you for your kind words. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m just lost.

There was a time when I too was in the midst of that deep black hole. (Even recently, I did feel I was circling again)... but as Sanz said... I did not do it When at my darkest point , my sister knew and also came across an entry in a journal and did convince me to go to mental health. I dreaded going, but once there, I did not want to come home.

Just as she was there to throw me that lifeline, I believe that we are here for you. Please open up and share with your therapist or counselor. They can help give some insight when we are too down and overwhelmed to see clearly. . Or keep chatting here. We do understand... and care. With love and hugs, Kim

Hang in there for your family, especially your son. I lost my Dad to cancer and my mental health has suffered massively. I wish you all the best.

Kim and Absence, thank you for being so supportive. I’m very grateful that today was a little better for me. I was able to work from home and spend time with my son. I’m still breathing.

Thats great to hear. Try and focus on the task at hand and youre gonna have your ups and downs. Hang in their bud.

Mental illness usually = disability. You might be able to improve the financial situation with a Social Security Disability claim. Assuming you are in the USA, Google it and look into it. You file the claim, get denied, get a lawyer (who gets paid only if he/she gets you approved). Google that too. Social Security Disability Lawyer.

You need to do this ASAP because you will be paid RETROACTIVELY to the date of the filing .... so if you WIN, you are 'losing money' right now.

If I were you, I would tell Mom to stay out of your and your wife's lives .... and mean it.

Thank you for the very wise advice Wandering Vet. I will look into this.

Thanks WanderingVet, I think I will spend some time doing just that myself. I have so many problems at work, but look for another job because I feel like the problems will just follow me to the new place even if I can get another job. I'm miserable often at my workplace, but I felt like that at my other jobs too.

I like what everyone else wrote here, and just wanted to echo the sentiment that your son needs you alive. Even though you might think at times that you aren't worth much to him, that is a voice inside your mind that is lying to you. It is the dark wolf, don't listen. In fact, you are everything to him. My husband died and I saw the effect it had on our son. Even though others would mourn you for a couple weeks, your son would feel the effects for his whole life. Also, the odds would increase that he would also one day take his own life due to the copy cat effect. I know it can seem at times like there is no other way out, but that just isn't the case. There are always solutions to problems that we haven't thought of yet. I'm talking as much to myself as to you. Thank you for reading this.

Sorry to hear about all of the trouble in your life right now. It is causing you a lot of stress. You are reaching out for answers and that is a good thing. You need to find a support person that can help you sort things out and help improve your family and job situation. That support person could be a counselor or pastor. Someone who is trained to help people navigate through their issues. Those support people are out there – reach out to them. Your family needs you to be there for them. Do the right thing and seek help. God Bless you!

Never Give Up on Life!!!! There is always help out there. Please seek counseling and get your life on the right track. You are worth it!!!!!

Financial problems are hard, but you realize that without you, problems would be far worse. I think the first rule is to just do your best. Think what it is within your control to do, try to do that and try to reduce the worry about the remainder.

If your mother and wife have concerns, that happens, do note women tend to ventilate more than men so it may not be as bad as you perceive. If you think you can help address problems then do it, otherwise, then that is their choice to fight.

If there are charge or other such bills that cannot be paid, then that happens- sadly there are thousands of federal workers in a similar situation.

Hi again. I think your son does benefit from having a dad. mental illness or not. if you love him, that's what matters, not if you have perfect mental health. i'm sorry that you are having such a hard time with work. I can relate. that's good that you can work from home. I called the suicide hotline awhile ago to talk and someone gave me some good advice when I was talking about all the stress I am under. He said sometimes it helps to actually schedule some time to do something nice for yourself even if it's like just a half an hour for a bath or to sit somewhere quietly with a cup of tea or something. he said that instead of saying, i'm going to try to take a nice hot bath today say I am going to take a bath today at 2pm. I know this isn't always possible and isn't a solution but it has given me a little reprieve and feeling of control in all the chaos in my life. I know someone whose parent committed suicide when he was 16 years old. his life fell apart after that, he became a drug addict, had all kind of horrible trouble. your son needs you. stick around.

it is difficult how we get through each day is a miracle your here for a reason your son. I know it is hard but like others say there are options reach out get help