I’ve been very depressed this weekend. I don’t feel joy, other than extremely fleeting moments. I fantasized last night about slicing both of my arms open and drifting to sleep. The only reason I am here is because I don’t want my young son to suffer the trauma of losing his parent. Other than that, what’s really the point of being here? There are some good experiences like love, watching my son learn and do new things, but I still feel tired. I’m just tired of going through the motions every day. Waking up, going to work, struggling to put food on the table for my family and shelter over their heads. I’m tired of wondering why we even exist here just to eventually die. Why struggle to live just to die in the end anyway. It’s pointless.