Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Which is very odd for me.
Little background history. I came from a very distant yet verbally and emotionally abusive family. I married the exact same type of man. I have lost track of my father and after 23 years I have divorced the man. I dated a man for 5 years. I married him last year. Keep in mind while reading this....his is oblivious to the issue. He is the sweetest kindest gentlest man I have ever known.
My husband is always telling me I am beautiful. Always encouraging me to where low cut top because "you have a beautiful body", finally got me back into a bathing suit, tank tops, short short etc. For 47 years old I thought I was in some what of good shape at 5'6" 148 pounds (I know a little over where I should be) and work out alllllll the time it seems. Anyway after 5 years of this I finally start to believe it. Start. Not convinced. So for his birthday I decided to get him some boudiour shots. When it came time to get on line and pick out what he wants the photographer is on the phone and we are to look at them together and pick from there. I was devistated. I thought I looked horrible of course. My husband must have as well. He flipped thru them very fast and bought nothing. I am crushed. I try not to be superficial and rely on a failing body but I was crushed. He told me I looked good but they were too expensive. So I don't tell him I am crushed. I let it go. I feel as if it was a 5 year lie. When he has a compliment now I just want to run and scream and call him a liar. This issue falls clearly on my shoulders for letting myself get fat. It falls clearly on my shoulders for not taking care of myself. I would rather chew glass then have him see me nude. I refuse to "be on top". I hate my body. I lived thru and expected this kind of crap from my dad and my ex but never ever ever saw it coming. He is confused because I can't even bring myself to talk about it. and honestly he doesn't have a clue....... Crushed. I wish I would have never done it. I am typically not a depressive person but this happened in June and it is August. There....at least it's off my chest because NO ONE knows my little hell I am in. I am trying to act like life is well. I can't get out of this body...kwim? I can't go buy all new clothes...can't afford it. I am lost.
Advice? I don't even know what I am asking for honestly. Just an ear I guess.
Little background history. I came from a very distant yet verbally and emotionally abusive family. I married the exact same type of man. I have lost track of my father and after 23 years I have divorced the man. I dated a man for 5 years. I married him last year. Keep in mind while reading this....his is oblivious to the issue. He is the sweetest kindest gentlest man I have ever known.
My husband is always telling me I am beautiful. Always encouraging me to where low cut top because "you have a beautiful body", finally got me back into a bathing suit, tank tops, short short etc. For 47 years old I thought I was in some what of good shape at 5'6" 148 pounds (I know a little over where I should be) and work out alllllll the time it seems. Anyway after 5 years of this I finally start to believe it. Start. Not convinced. So for his birthday I decided to get him some boudiour shots. When it came time to get on line and pick out what he wants the photographer is on the phone and we are to look at them together and pick from there. I was devistated. I thought I looked horrible of course. My husband must have as well. He flipped thru them very fast and bought nothing. I am crushed. I try not to be superficial and rely on a failing body but I was crushed. He told me I looked good but they were too expensive. So I don't tell him I am crushed. I let it go. I feel as if it was a 5 year lie. When he has a compliment now I just want to run and scream and call him a liar. This issue falls clearly on my shoulders for letting myself get fat. It falls clearly on my shoulders for not taking care of myself. I would rather chew glass then have him see me nude. I refuse to "be on top". I hate my body. I lived thru and expected this kind of crap from my dad and my ex but never ever ever saw it coming. He is confused because I can't even bring myself to talk about it. and honestly he doesn't have a clue....... Crushed. I wish I would have never done it. I am typically not a depressive person but this happened in June and it is August. There....at least it's off my chest because NO ONE knows my little hell I am in. I am trying to act like life is well. I can't get out of this body...kwim? I can't go buy all new clothes...can't afford it. I am lost.
Advice? I don't even know what I am asking for honestly. Just an ear I guess.
thank you for the post
lots of information
1st:
looking at your picture - you are blessed with a beautiful face / and eyes too
i understand how you feel
i do
i read your post about 2 or 3 times
i have a thyroid condition that makes it nearly impossible to control my weight / anddd i take a med that also throws weight on me
also - its amazing what happens when we pass the age 40 mark!
at age 42 my body seems to be on a mission to gain fat
my desired weight is 144
( im 5'8 / small boned )
im about 190 / and i max out in weight at 205
( yes all fat )
i hate my body
i hate the pudge
will i lose weight ? yes
about 2 weeks ago i dieted / exercised down to abouttt 170
so i went from 205 to 170 in about 1 month
i will win this fight!
you look great to me
jojo42 - it seems to me that you have 3 choices
a : stay as you are and suffer
b : let yourself go and suffer more
c : fight
i say fight
( context of exercise and dieting / food control )
its better to be fighting / and losing some of those fights - than to give up and be worse off / and suffer
in your own mind - what body would you want ?
you can achieve it !
100%
but its a fight
we fight food / we fight weight gain
also -
from what you wrote about your husband - it is not crystal clear that he was unimpressed with your body in those photos
- but you made that conclusion
for me personally - i may not have liked the outfit - or i may have not liked the style of photos
there are many possible reasons he did not purchase a photo
jojo42 he may truly find your body very attractive
i cant answer that - only you and he can - there needs to be clarity
he might be misunderstood
but no matter what he thinks - whats more important is what you think
dont give up - i know im not giving up - i will attain my goal of being in 140's
i hope i helped =\
Yes...I have the choices you listed. Either I fight it, let my self go or maintain what I am currently doing. i am not sure how I can fight it anymore than what I do currently. Up at 4:15 work all day do the mom things at night and work out pretty much daily. I do the Paleo diet and that has helped drop weight as well. Trust me I have waffled between all three of my options LOL!
The easy route but more depressing route is give up. I am not a lazy person so that is out.
You did help! We WILL win this battle against our depression and weight!
i love your posts
controlling weight
controlling money
weight control and financial control are 2 of the most difficult things to do in existence in my opinion / experience
its a fight
and food is not my friend in this fight - its my enemy
i lost a lot of weight last month but so far this month i have put much of that weight back on
my lesson:
consistency is vital
i have found its totally useless to be successful on one month
and then a total failure the next month
i gotta be effective every month
its a non-stop fight
for myself - having a plan is the easy part
sticking to the plan is the bitch
i now know that fighting food / weight gain will be a fight for the rest of my life
even when i attain my desired weight - the fight is still on / war is still there
because i know that fat is just waiting for me to again indulge in food for it to win
I hear you, and I relate to you. I am a man, but I, too, have self loathing issues about my body. So I got busy. Hired a trainer. Went to a support group; more than one, in fact. None of us can face this kind of stuff by ourselves. I tried, and found myself looking down the barrel of my own pistol. Another story, that.
Point is, you are now among friends, and you will have plenty of ears to hear you. Some may even offer to "fix". I won't. I can't.
But I can hear you, and share my story. You can get well from this. You can love yourself again. You are a beautiful and necessary part of Creation, and I am happy to meet you; even if it is a post in an anonymous support group. I think Mr. Mouse gave you some very good words.
Be well, new friend. Be well!