Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

24,601 Members

160,807 Posts

1 Online

SpectralFox 04/19/2018

I'm 38 going on 39 year old guy that lives at home with his parents.I help my parents out with whatever they ask for and that is mostly giving them a hand lifting/carrying stuff helping them with shopping ect. my parents tell me not to worry since i'll be taken care of and all. I put in half my disability every month for the bills to help out since me and my parents are all on disability.

but i can't stop myself from worrying about my future because i feel like i don't really have one.

I live on disability because of being born with medical problems like a sezuire disorder and have grown out of them i think at least but it is still physically present. but a number of things have caused me to just give up on moving on with life and nobody really told me what i should do with myself or have motivated me to do anything at all. I never could make up my mind on a career or job because of being on disability and all i managed to do was graduate highschool but that didn't really matter in the end since laws changed by the time i was out and going to a school with medical problems all i ended up with was a special deploma which wouldn't get me into a community college or anything at the time.

I had a few girlfriends through my teen years but everyone i dated didn't think i was serious marriage meterial and i just stopped trying to date after the last one or two women i had been with and that was when i was 26-32 somewhere in that age range and for the longest time i've been having really bad thoughts worrying about the future because i'm basically alone, i have no girlfriend,wife or kids to show for anything and most likely nobody to take care of me or help me when i get older. because of my life the way it is i will probably stay single and alone given no woman would bother with someone like me because i'm not a success or anything, i'm just a lonely guy at this point that has spent his life trying to be happy and entertain himself.

I had spent nearly 6 years with my highschool girlfriend and we stayed together after graduating together but i had become a worrier and insecure of time and things just spiralled out of control and i just broke it off with her and what started this was after the first couple years i asked her if she'd marry me in time and she said no. and i stayed with her anyway to try and make it work but it really didn't no matter what i did and i regretted leaving her and had gotten really down and never really recovered the nerve to even approach a woman or talk to a woman because the negetive thoughts would just flood my mind and just upset me at this point because i automatically think i will get rejected.

I don't work because of being on disability and i haven't learned how to drive because of fear. the fear i think was from a car accident i was in long time ago with a friend driving and then seeing a car accident happen years later and my mother nearly died in a car accident in the 90's.

I spend most of my time playing video games and making friends and playing with friends online which keeps me occupied,focused and sane most of the time. my issues tend to get to me when i'm alone and not talking to anyone or asleep, like now it was 4am i woke up middle of the night stressing over the lack of a future i have for myself and have no motivation to really do anything with my life as it stands and its 6am now.

I just keep to my routine of doing what i do.

I feel like i'm just going to die alone with nothing to show for it

i've had plenty of thoughts of if i could go back in time and change my past and prevent so many mistakes that my life would be better or thoughts of wondering if god has a reset button for me or just thoughts of dying because it just seems like nothing will matter because i have nothing to show for my life and i have no legacy.

robotnik 04/19/2018

Looks like we're in the same boat, pal : )

'Past and future veil God from our sight; burn up both of them with fire.' Rumi

If you want to talk message me... or better yet message God ; )

SwimBack2031 04/19/2018

welcome to the group ((((spectralfox)))) i hope you can find some support here - if you ever need a buddy to talk i’m here. hugs for you to get you through xxx

SomeGuy092 04/19/2018

I'm sorry about your situation. You're socializing regardless of lonliness or a disability. I think that's a good sign of optimism. Welcome to dailystrength.org.

Fighter1986 04/19/2018

Welcome. I'm still new as well and trying to get into this. Feel free to message me as well. I understand a lot of what you're saying.
Life is hard for no good reason and I question a lot, like you are. My future is uncertain. I get it.
My only advice don't dwell on what if and reset buttons. I admit, I do it too, but it usually ends up in a bad spiral for me. Good luck. We'll all be here for you.

SpectralFox 04/20/2018

one of the biggest stresses for me is that i'm the youngest of four boys and the only single one left. the oldest is going on his second marriage, no kids of his own. the second oldest has a wife and four kids and the oldest kid has kids of her own. the third oldest is married no kids. and then there is me single living at home no girlfriend,wife,kids and i feel like a disappointment to my parents because i have failed to go out and find someone.
I'm not sure if having a lot of friends online and no friends in real life is good or bad but at least i play online with friends frequently, so really my social circle is just with online people. and i'm not big into drinking or clubs and since i don't work because of disability i have no way to really meet any woman.

Heidiclark 04/21/2018

I'm surprised that your parents have no expectations of you or try to help you move forward with your life. You could at least be volunteering somewhere or be trying ti get a part time job. Also you need to contact Vocational Rehabilitation. They help people with disabilities get jobs and can also help with housing options,

Heidiclark 04/21/2018

And I don't see why you weren't able to get a regular high school diploma. You seem intelligent enough. Wow, this is really sad, but your life should do a quick turn around when you contant Vocational Rehabilitation. Best of luck to you !

patti22 04/21/2018

Some schools were really fast to shuffle anyone with the slightest disability into a special diploma because it kept up their state scores. If you wish, you can look into trying to get a GED.

As for finding someone, the hardest part is just getting out there. Just as you haven't turned your life into a fairy tale, plenty of women haven't either. As a just plain nice person...you might just find more women are interested as everyone gets older.

That said, I get it...it's hard. The culture has what I think is a sick sense of win-loose. In some ways, we're all more connected to each other than ever. In other ways...we're all so alone.

Hugs, Patti

CoDeGirl 04/21/2018

Hi, can you find a support group where you live? If not, consider volunteering anywhere you can. The first step is the hardest. You can do this!

SpectralFox 04/22/2018

I feel like i'm just too far stuck in my ways nowadays to really change much and the way my personality is between my mouth,temper and lack of work experience it would just be too troublesome for me to even try working.

the type of school i was in was teaching mostly dead end basic jobs like working on lawn mowers,small engines,gardening,woodworking, and most of the time we were being told that the best we'd get is jobs flipping burgers. so my self esteem with real jobs is pretty low. my parents try to encourage me to do stuff but then i just ignore it and stick to what i do now. which is fine because i'm not hurting anyone really.

on the bright side i played online with a bunch of friends for a few hours and that kept my mind off of my troubles.

Heidiclark 04/22/2018

What are you going to do when your parents are gone? How will you take care of yourself? The sooner you get yourself moving and get something started for yourself the better for you. And wood working is not a dead end job. My husband does it for a living,

SpectralFox 04/23/2018

honestly i don't have a clue what i'll do, i was never really capable of getting an interest in any kind of work since when i was young my mother told me when i turn 18 i'll be on disability and thats all i could remember and i've spent years just sitting here. I just stopped caring after the whole special deploma issue,disability,GF cheated on me with my best friend and turned me down before that when i asked her if she'd marry me. so i just moved on from everything and dove deeper into all sorts of gaming and online socializing. i know none of that pays the bills but my parents tell me i'd be taken care of when they pass.

b33strong 04/23/2018

Hey I’m new here. We are all battling demons but it’s important to put up a good fight. Thank you for sharing your story. Myself is going through something similar, although I’ve always worked hard all my life as a single mom, I currently became disabled. I’m in the process of it and it’s hard because aside from struggling with my health, I now struggle financially. I’m alone aside from my daughter who can’t help financially. I can’t date bc I feel no one will want to deal with my sickness I’m isolated and miserable at times. You have your parents and that’s a blessing. I realized we have to change our way of thinking.. although we feel this way, we feel this way because of how we think, if we think we will be alone all of our lives it will cause us to feel down. I know it’s hard not to but we have to try. I know it’s not the end, it can always be worse and I believe there will be someone out there who will be understanding or just who we need. I agree abt staying motivated take something your good at and apply it to your benefit. Because it only becomes harder when we dwell on negatives and we become stuck bc I too get tht way. Until I break away and take out the grill and feed the birds etc... all things I like to do or go to the movies even if I go alone, you never know might meet someone new. You can’t guve up and think like tht, I pray your find the strength you need to get out and experience life and happiness because no one can give you tht but yourself we can only share it with someone else.

SpectralFox 04/23/2018

I feel like i'm dealing with anxiety,loneliness and depression at random times or sometimes all at once and as i get older it seems have have gotten harder to deal with and the more i think about it the more i remember i think it started when i was in my 20's and no matter what anyone told me it would stop for a while and then just comes back around and this would be pretty much what haunts me now is worrying about the future. I don't think i could really get a job with me getting disability and i feel like starting over on my education would just be a expensive pain in the ass and i was never interested in working because of whatever number of issues i have.

Heidiclark 04/23/2018

Unless your parents are planning on leaving you a big pile of money or you have an incredibly large disability check I am doubting that you are going to be able to make it without some kind of other income. One thing that bothers me is that it's clear that your parents have not bothered to help you plan for any kind of future for yourself and have told you you would be taken care of without telling you HOW and with WHAT you would be taken care of. You need to find out for yourself what your options are. And for one thing you can work while collecting disability but here again your parents either didn't know this and didn't bother to find out for you, or decided you didn't need to know this. Please start by contacting Vocational Rehabilitation and they will tell you what to do from there. Then sit down with your parents and fine out what's really going on. I'm prettu sure you dont' really want to play video games for the rest of your life,

Join the Conversation