Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Its been a while, not sure why, but I cant enter daily strength from Spain. Things have changed for me, we now have a 6 month old baby called Sandra.
The best moments of my life have been when I play with her and I can see that she is going to be a good girl and intelligent.
Times are really tough, I have lost the job I am supposed to have now and I have no money coming in, the Spanish goverment is not willing to help me out and on top of that the inlaws dont want me coming back to their house over cultural differences and my wife seems to take their side, I should have a teaching job starting in September but it looks like it will be the start of a second wave.
I feel seriously suicidal, I thought these sort of thoughts would go away after having a child but they havent, in fact I now feel guilty on top of it as I am trying my best to find a way to earn an income and nothing is working.
I am in the Uk at the moment, mum said she will lend me some money but the bank has blocked her account and said she cant transfer me the cash as she is bed ridden and has no way of entering the bank, they said yesterday they would send someone out from the bank yesterday to prove it was her, but all they did was send out the police so her account is still blocked.
I told my wife that this was a nightmare situation for me and all she could respond was that I am being pathetic and now i have a child that I should grow up. She has the support of her family and she is working and is not helping me out.
Hopefully things change soon.
The Christian churches also assist with temporary accommodation in any country. I've heard that Buddhist temples also allow homeless people to stay with them for free (free food and accommodation) whilst they sort out their lives. Churches and Buddhist temples counsel people who feel suicidal to harbour a desire for life by encouraging them to reflect on the positive things that they have e.g your daughter. Just think of going to a religious retreat.
I have looked up the web and there is a Tibetan Buddhist temple at Rambla de la Muntanya, 97, 08041 Barcelona, Spain (Phone: +34 934 36 26 26) where there is an English spiritual leader by the name of Ken Holmes. I have reproduced the introduction of his profile:
"Ken Holmes, trained as a chemical engineer, abandoned his profession in 1970 in pursuit of the Sufi and Tibetan mysticism. He spent 6 months in Dharamsala near HH the Dalai Lama. He then traveled to Samye Ling, which became his residence for the past 36 years and where he has pursued his career as a Buddhist practitioner and teacher under the guidance of Choje Ákong Rinpoche, of whom he was secretary for many years.
Since then his life has been dedicated to introducing Tibetan Buddhist meditation and philosophy to the Western world. With his wife Katia, he has co-translated some of the main Kagyu teaching texts into English, as well as much of the liturgies used in daily practice. His works include the Dagpo Targen (Dharma Jewels) of Gampopa and the Mahayana Uttara Tantra Shastra (Maitreya and Buddha Nature) of Asanga-Maitreya.
In 1977, Ken spent six months traveling with His Holiness the XVI Karmapa as an assistant during his European tour. At that time his studies were conducted under the guidance of notable teachers such as Khenpo Tsultrim Gyamtso Rinpoche, Kalu Rinpoche, Khenchen Thrangu Rinpoche, Kengting Tai Situpa, Goshir Gyaltsabpa, and other teachers. In the 1990s, Ken studied Tibetan medicine and astrology, under the direction of Khenpo Troru Tsenam Rinpoche who gave him the title of Dharmacharya (Dharma Master) in 2002.
Ken is currently Director of Studies for Kagyu Samye Ling. His life runs between teaching in Scotland and at Samye Dzongs centers in various countries, writing and translating works of dharma. He is also an interpreter for Tibetan lamas. He was a founding member of the Scottish Inter Faith Council and has worked with the British Cabinet Office and the European Community, representing Buddhism at the 2002 meetings in Brussels to discuss religious representation in the new European Constitution. He has developed a six-year online Buddhism course that has been followed by over a thousand people."
You are thinking yourself into a dead end, and that you are panicking and feeling suicidal because you cannot see or arrive at a solution. From my perspective as an outsider, I don't see any dead ends in your life that cannot be solved, so I would encourage you to think positively, be optimistic about the future, and ask all of the above people and institutions for help. Take positive action to turn your life around, and you will see a solution when your mind is calm and able to reflect on your future.
Take care, Marie
(a) to maintain contact with your daughter and your wife either through skype/zoom/telephone etc... so to keep the relationship amicable in order for you to ask your wife for parental contact, and to show the court that you are capable of self-restraint and are ready to compromise with any terms that benefit your child.
(b) to contact a local community legal centre to ask for legal advice as to your right for parental contact. Ask if the legal centre agrees to represent you pro bono in court to ask for a parental contact order from the court.
When a marriage breaks down, the court may order both parents for counseling to facilitate marriage reconciliation since there is a child involved. This step would precede a divorce or marital separation.
Here are some information in regard to parental responsibility in the UK:
https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/parental-responsibility/
You have to stay strong and resilient. This is a difficult time, this COVID thing, and everyone is affected by it as such that they are uncertain of the future, uncertain of the permanence of relationships, and become depressed and suicidal. You are not like this. You are a strong person because you are no longer on your own. You have a daughter, you have become a father with parental responsibility to map a future for your child. You need to stay around to watch your child grow up, to watch her get married, to cuddle your grandchildren. You have a lot of responsibilities, and your daughter looks up to you. You are a man, so don't be weak. Be calm, think things over, and work everything out amicably. Relationships may fail now but your wife may reconcile with you in the future because after all, no mothers would want their children to grow up without a father, preferably with the child's biological father.