Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I was not sure what to name the topic. Nevertheless, I have come to the conclusion that I will never be happy. What ever mechanism is need for it in my mind is gone. Instead, I'll experience the lessening of stress and pleasure. For example, I worry about not having a job because I need money to pay my bills. If I were to get a job, I wouldn't be happy about getting the job, but relieved I have money for the bills. Hence, one less worry. I'm impervious to praise or honors. Thus, if I were to get a job, I would stay there. I'd have no motivation to do more than need or pursue promotion. It would only result in more worry (am I doing a job enough job for a promotion) and stress (from the extra responsibilities). However, I would be worried if I was doing an adequate job, so as not to be criticized, which would increase my stress.
As for pleasure, I have my Pepsi and the buffets. The endorphins that come from them help me relieve the stress. Yet, my memories tell me that this pleasure is a pale imitation of happiness. A part of me desires it, akin to a blind person wanting to see. One learns to compensate. To desire what one can never have only increases the stress. It is best to avoid situations and people that aggravate that. So, no presents, cards or hugs ( I hate to be touched) that remind me of what I don't have.
Yet to be around those people who can feel happiness tires me. My sister had a Halloween party this past weekend. Where was I? In my room watching TV and eating the leftover candy. I stayed up the night on the computer. If i were out there, I would have fallen asleep on the couch. I can do casual conversation for only so long before I get tired. "That's $10.50" and "Here's your change" is the extent of my desired conversation. Friends? I have no need of them. The ones I supposedly had only used me when they needed me. Why worry and care about those who never will for you? Acquaintances are there when you need them. "I'll give you this for that" and you get what you want until the next time, which could be months or years. I'm sure I'll be called the "hermit" when I'm older.
Well, I'm getting tired, but not sleepy. So, I'll stop for now.
As for pleasure, I have my Pepsi and the buffets. The endorphins that come from them help me relieve the stress. Yet, my memories tell me that this pleasure is a pale imitation of happiness. A part of me desires it, akin to a blind person wanting to see. One learns to compensate. To desire what one can never have only increases the stress. It is best to avoid situations and people that aggravate that. So, no presents, cards or hugs ( I hate to be touched) that remind me of what I don't have.
Yet to be around those people who can feel happiness tires me. My sister had a Halloween party this past weekend. Where was I? In my room watching TV and eating the leftover candy. I stayed up the night on the computer. If i were out there, I would have fallen asleep on the couch. I can do casual conversation for only so long before I get tired. "That's $10.50" and "Here's your change" is the extent of my desired conversation. Friends? I have no need of them. The ones I supposedly had only used me when they needed me. Why worry and care about those who never will for you? Acquaintances are there when you need them. "I'll give you this for that" and you get what you want until the next time, which could be months or years. I'm sure I'll be called the "hermit" when I'm older.
Well, I'm getting tired, but not sleepy. So, I'll stop for now.
LIFE may have other plans for you, happiness can come knocking at your door, just as depression did.
an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone and whose energy is drained by being around other people.
...often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."...
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm