Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
My job requires alot of driving so of course theres a ton of thinking.
With mind chatter going a mile a minute, i of course was replaying the breakup of a short lived dating relationship, that happened last night. I was going over the things i didnt like and would not settle for. I was re-listening to what she said she didnt like about me that makes her not want to commit to a more serious relationship. I was listening to my self critic judge the hell outta me. I would find my mind wandering toward visions of me comparing what i like with what she likes and stupid stuff like that. I went over a thousand times how good i am and how i couldnt understand why she didnt like me enough.
I asked God to take this pain from me, he asked if i was willing to go through whatever it takes. I said yes.
After like 8 hours of the grueling interrogation in my mind i felt something. I felt and saw my truths.
I saw how ive been denying where i am in my life right now. I AM IN RECOVERY.....AGAIN
If when i met this woman and told her what i was doing 3 weeks before we met...she would not have given me the time of day.
I am NOT in a great place right now no matter what i believe to be.
I am in a better place than where i WAS...but i am still in a bad way.
How can i expect true love when the truth is hidden? How dare i expect someone to settle when i wouldnt myself.
I hate the desicions i made that put me in this place. I hate that i chose to hide than to take on the dragons. I hate that i feel like for someone to want to be with me they would have to be a very special someone who is understanding and/or unhealthy themselves.
I now know why i needed her to commit. If she did then maybe it would be too late for her to not back away. She went thru her shit, she fought her battles to get to where she is. I just started again.
My mind eased down after this confrontation. I was able to thank her for sharing a piece of her with me while being in this state of recovery, i was able to let her go and the thoughts of her lessened. I wasnt mad at her anymore, i understood. without a word spoken i said goodbye.
I know where i am,,,i know where to go, i know what not to do...i know what i want.......I know that God answers prayers.
Now i am just sad.
With mind chatter going a mile a minute, i of course was replaying the breakup of a short lived dating relationship, that happened last night. I was going over the things i didnt like and would not settle for. I was re-listening to what she said she didnt like about me that makes her not want to commit to a more serious relationship. I was listening to my self critic judge the hell outta me. I would find my mind wandering toward visions of me comparing what i like with what she likes and stupid stuff like that. I went over a thousand times how good i am and how i couldnt understand why she didnt like me enough.
I asked God to take this pain from me, he asked if i was willing to go through whatever it takes. I said yes.
After like 8 hours of the grueling interrogation in my mind i felt something. I felt and saw my truths.
I saw how ive been denying where i am in my life right now. I AM IN RECOVERY.....AGAIN
If when i met this woman and told her what i was doing 3 weeks before we met...she would not have given me the time of day.
I am NOT in a great place right now no matter what i believe to be.
I am in a better place than where i WAS...but i am still in a bad way.
How can i expect true love when the truth is hidden? How dare i expect someone to settle when i wouldnt myself.
I hate the desicions i made that put me in this place. I hate that i chose to hide than to take on the dragons. I hate that i feel like for someone to want to be with me they would have to be a very special someone who is understanding and/or unhealthy themselves.
I now know why i needed her to commit. If she did then maybe it would be too late for her to not back away. She went thru her shit, she fought her battles to get to where she is. I just started again.
My mind eased down after this confrontation. I was able to thank her for sharing a piece of her with me while being in this state of recovery, i was able to let her go and the thoughts of her lessened. I wasnt mad at her anymore, i understood. without a word spoken i said goodbye.
I know where i am,,,i know where to go, i know what not to do...i know what i want.......I know that God answers prayers.
Now i am just sad.
"Now i am just sad."
Seek more truth, and find happiness.
It's been more than 15 months.....I still don't want that kind of involvement. Still trying to piece things back together. Family trust, employment, moving soon....too many things going on to burden anyone else.
Hang in there. Work your program. What's meant to be will be. If she's not interested, she's not "the one". Let it go. I hope you have a sponsor. Talk to him about it. Don't get hung up on what could have been.
Life is too short to live with regrets. Thank your HP everyday for recovery and keep moving forward.
God Bless you. Keep your chin up.
Please don't dwell on the negatives,try and look at the positives and take it one day at a time.....When the time is right you will find the right one,but in the beginning of recovery we have to try and keep the focus on ourselves.........
Ditto to what Smiley said..........Just remember one day at a time......
Good luck to you in your recovery