As if things were not tough enough right now, my uncle died yesterday. 

When I was small, my dad lost 2 of his brothers and his mother within a year. It was awful. In that time, I found comfort in knowing that my mother's family was healthy. 

My mother's family is very religious... not like what people think of now as very religious. The best way to explain them is to tell you that there were once minonites in the family. We stayed at my mom's parent's house on friday nights growing up in order to care for them on the day/night that the in home care aid had off. Most friday nights my mom's brother Melvin would come by for a few hours to play cards. He tought me how to play uno and rummy. If any of the other family members came by while we were playing cards, we had to hurry up and hide them because card play was a sin. 

Melvin owned a car repair shop. He built it with his own two hands. It still exists, and I used to take my car to the current owner before we moved. He was great with his hands, and frequently purchased realestate to fix places up and re-sell them. 

Be bought an old therater once, and I would go and play n the stage while my dad helped him repair the old wood in the building. He smokes Cigars for a long time. I loved that sweet smell. After he was trying to quit the habit he would chew on them. I never understood that, but it didn't small as nice, and looked gross. But I remember a stong man with that half of a cigar always in his mouth. 

He was the first black sheep in the family, and taught me that it was ok to be a black sheep and not fit in or agree with the rest of the family. 

When I was a kid, we always had the big holidays meals at grandparent houses. My mom would make 2 complete meals and we woudl eat one with her parenst and the other with my dad's. My dad's family dying when i was younger, we spent yaesr then having the big holidays at my mom's parents. The first holiday that her parents were also gone was an easter, not long after her dad died. We didn't feel like eating after just going through the funeral process, so we decided instead of cooking we would eat out at a local fish fry at a fire hall. It was terrible. The next holiday, we tried eating at our own house. We had never done that before and it was awkward and we fought the whole time. 

After that, Melvin opened his house to us. We ate Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving all at Melvin's and did for years. Through high school and college, and well into my children's age. It was wonderful. He was the first family member other than my parents to meet Matt. He greeted my future husband with open arms and shared great tales with him about how  much he loved and chose to love no matter of religious beliefe. 

Mel stood by my mom as the family split apart, knowing how much love my mom poured into her parents. 

THere are 5 children in my mom's family. Lloyd (who is 10 years older than my mother), Mell (who was about 5 years older than my mom), my mom (who is 71), her sister Shirley (who is almost 10 years youner than my mom), and Glenn (who is only 1 year or 2 younger than Shirley).  She was closest to Mel, and I know will take his death hard. 

I am taking his death hard. 

My mom's family believed that women should not drive or work. Though Mel broke many of their traditions, he gave his wife and dughters the choice. His youngest daughter drives and works as a nurse. His oldest and his wife do not drive, and they lived with Mel and depended on his driving them everywhere. Who will help them now?

I am lost. 

What do you do when the rocks you are formed on crumble and disapear? Where do you go? What do you do? Who do you turn to? 

My husband does not understand - his family is not like mine. We were so tight. We depended on each other. Our lives were so intertwined. My dad was not around when I was a kid, so Mel took us bowling for the first time. Mel did things with us as if he were our dad. There is no seperation - no boundaries - only love. And now, he is gone. 

Will my mom be next?