Sweetie, I read your journal. I am sitting here with tears trickling down my cheeks. I so feel your pain. You have nothing in this world to be ashamed of. You are a victim of abuse. May I suggest going to a counselor at your school for help. I am here for you if you ever need to talk.

thanx for reading it..i talk to the school social worker but i havent said anythinf about my abuse just depression so shes doesnt help me...

Truly sorry you've been thru so much. I know there's nothing I can say to fix anything, but I really would suggest if you aren't seeing a counselor to seek one out. I see you're 14 and there's a lot you need to get out in the open with a therapist. Starting here was a great start. (I'm assuming you're not seeing one based on the entry I read)

You mentioned shame a few times. As much as I think I understand that feeling you have, you did nothing wrong. The actions done against you as a child, whether by another child or adult, were abuse and a small child has no comprehension of sexual actions/abuse. And I won't play dr here to say you have problems b/c of this or that, but I think it's pretty clear at least your past contributes to your existing problems (as for all or most of us) and I would really hope you talk at least to a guidance counselor at school.

You have so much to contend with and sometimes we need to reach out to those with experience in dealing with these matters.
*HUGS*

I read your journal. There is no question you were born into and grew up in an abusive, neglectful, incestuous environment. You have nothing to feel guilty about ... a child behaves according to what they are taught.

You are in a difficult situation. The big problem is you are 14 and do not have much of a support system. You need a cooperative support system in order to get the help you need, and you do not have one. HUGE problem for minors in a bad situation. They need professional help, but there is no one to facilitate it.

Then there is another problem. You try on your own to get help, and find out, to get any help, your parents or parent has to give consent. The parent, being in denial, says no and now things can get more rough at home. So you are in a rut. Without the help you need, you are going to have to do the best you can, which means basically, .. grow up fast.

Know that you did not get a fair start but there is little you can do about it. Know that "what you got, is what you got" and try not to aggravate it. Know that you do not need any more problems, .. so no drugs, no alcohol. You have enough on your plate to not invite those kinds of problems. STAY AWAY FROM THEM or things can get bad like you never thought of. PLEASE forgive me, I do not mean to insinuate anything, but DO NOT GET PREGNANT. Your problems will go through the roof if that happens.

I can only tell you .. unless there is someone you can talk to who can make a difference, keep your head down, get your grades up, and hang on. When you reach 18, you can make your own decisions.

again thanx for reading it..im going to tell my doc about my depression tomorrow at my apt...i am ashamed of myself about alot of it. and wanderingvet...what you said; dont get pregnant, hit me cuz that was something i had concirded. it was like i could fix what was done to me by haveing one of mine.